


Julie & Luke Holiday Special

by Mistamista



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Holiday, juke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:47:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27466675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistamista/pseuds/Mistamista
Summary: In this AU, Julie comes back home from college for winter break and discovers her dad has been keeping a secret. Angry and sad, she goes to a party with her best friend Flynn, where she meets the lead singer of a local band, resulting in a winter break for which she hadn't planned—and maybe even a Christmas miracle.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 99
Kudos: 360





	1. Julie Returns

Julie steps out of the airport, inhaling the frigid air that still feels foreign to her lungs, even after spending four bitter cold winters in her Northeast Ohio suburb. She’d regretted telling her dad to sell the house the second the Sold sign had gone up, but at that point, what could she do? She’d told him she didn’t want to live with the lurking memories of her mom, and he would have done anything to help her heart heal. A fresh start, she’d told herself, that’s what she needed. The truth she hadn’t yet known, though, was that it didn’t matter where she lived. Nowhere would feel like home anymore.

She would only become more sad in this swing state where nothing ever seemed to happen, except maybe seasonal depression. Couldn’t her dad have been transferred to his office’s sunny Miami location? But he seemed happy in Ohio. And her brother loved the quaint neighborhood they’d moved to—a place so quiet and so trusting made all the TPing and pranks more fun. Indeed, Carlos had started getting into trouble once she’d returned to California for college, resulting in her overwhelming feelings of guilt about being the second person in his life to leave him behind. That same guilt was one reason she’d wanted to stay in California for Christmas.  
Each year she comes home, and each year she feels it again when she leaves, growing stronger with each departure. Her dad tries to make her time at home perfect over the holiday break—decorating the house together, playing nonstop holiday music that Julie secretly can’t stand, and ordering lots of take out food since her tia stayed in Cali, and her dad still can’t cook anything but spaghetti. But Christmas, whether in California or in Ohio, just hasn’t been the same since her mom died. And nothing he can do will change that. 

“Hey, girl!” Flynn shouts, stepping out of her parked car, grinning ear to ear. She greets Julie with a hug. “I can’t believe you’re finally here!” 

“I’ve missed you so much!” Julie replies, tightly squeezing her best friend. “I did not, however, miss this weather. I mean, oh my God, why is it so cold?” 

“Julie, it’s thirty degrees. That isn’t even remotely close to how cold it gets here, you know that,” Flynn says, shaking her head, laughing.

“Well, it feels a lot colder. I’ll stick to my California temps, thank you very much,” Julie replies, loading her bags into Flynn’s backseat. The girls hop in, and Julie immediately blasts the heat. Flynn begins ranting about her dorm roommate, about her most recent crush, and about the music classes she’s taking in her performing arts college, which feels like a knife to Julie’s gut. She misses music so much. If only missing it was enough to make her be able to sing again. But she’s happy for Flynn, and she’s more than a little relieved that Flynn fills the silence with her ramblings, saving Julie from having to talk about her own miserable English major classes or her perfectly sweet but very unexciting boyfriend, Nick. 

When they arrive at Julie’s house, the two make plans to meet up tomorrow. Despite Ohio not feeling like home and the holidays being more sad than joyous for her, Julie is excited to see her dad and her little brother. She gathers her bags and heads toward the big white colonial, her boots clicking against the concrete walkway. Even from outside she can smell the aroma of something burning wafting from the kitchen, and she can’t help but smile—some things never change. 

“Julie!” Her dad shouts excitedly when she enters the kitchen after dropping her bags near the door. He sets down his knife and the carrots he’s chopping and hugs Julie tightly. “You’re here early! We weren’t supposed to see you until tomorrow!”

“Hey, Dad,” she manages to say with her face squished against him. “I wanted to surprise you guys.” 

“Carlos! Your sister’s here!” he yells, letting Julie breathe again. “He’s off playing videos in his room. You might have to go stand in front of the TV to get his attention.” Julie’s dad rolls his eyes as he heads back to his cutting board. “Take a seat! Tell me about your flight. Did Flynn drop you off? Are you hungry? I have burnt meatloaf and soon, probably some burnt carrots.” 

Julie laughs, “I don’t know. The flight was like every other flight, I guess—too hot, too cramped, a little smelly,” Julie says, shrugging. “Flynn seems happy. Really happy, actually…” she trails off. Her dad glances at her, sensing the shift in her tone, “And I’m starving. Do you need help?” 

“No, thank you. But I—uh—there’s actually something I need to talk to you about…” he stammers. 

“Okay… is everything alright?” she asks, concerned. 

“Ray! I’m back! Good grief, it smells like the house is burning down! I was only gone twenty minutes!” A petite woman with red hair thrown into a messy ponytail comes barreling around the corner into the kitchen, her arms bogged down with bags from the local market. She notices Julie who is staring at her, completely taken aback by a stranger standing in their kitchen. Julie turns to her dad just as the woman does. Ray smiles at them both, putting down his knife and coming back over to the kitchen table where Julie is sitting. 

“Well, Julie, this is what I wanted to talk to you about,” he says, nodding to the redhead who awkwardly shifts her weight from one foot to the other, still holding all her bags. “Tessa, this is Julie. Julie, this is Tessa, my—uh—girlfriend.” 

Julie nearly faints; her vision becomes blurry. She must have heard him wrong. 

The logical part of her is screaming that it’s been four years. He’s allowed to date someone else. He deserves it. But every other part of her, especially her heart, is breaking to pieces because her dad is moving on, leaving her mom behind. 

“Hi, Julie! I’ve heard so much about you! I’m so excited you’re here!” Tessa practically shrieks, dropping her bags on the floor and extending her hand to Julie. But Julie’s still staring at her dad, fighting back the tears that are threatening to pour all over the kitchen table. 

“How long have you been dating?” Julie asks her dad, ignoring Tessa.

“About four months…” Ray answers, looking away to avoid her glare. 

“Four months? When were you planning on telling me? Never? I mean, if I hadn’t come home early, would you have told me at all?” Julie yells, standing. 

“Jules, please calm down. Of course I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you tomorrow when you got here. At dinner, with just you, me, and Carlos, so you had time to process it before meeting her. So you weren’t leaving her standing there while you rudely ignored her,” Ray replies. Julie lets out a bitter laugh.

“You’re really going to stand there and comment on how rude I’m being to your girlfriend that you’ve had for four months when you are the one forgetting that I already have a mother! That you already have a wife! And maybe she’s not here, so you can just forget her that easily, but I can’t—I won’t! So, Tessa, it was lovely meeting you,” Julie says, rolling her eyes, “But I am not staying here and pretending like Mom never existed.” Julie pushes her chair out from the table, still staring at her dad, stands, and turns to leave.

“Where are you going? Please just stay,” her dad sighs. 

But Julie doesn’t respond. She doesn’t know where she’s going, but she can’t stay here, feeling suffocated. She simply walks back to the front door, picks up her bags again, and heads outside, not missing her dad telling Tessa that she just “needs some time to get used to the idea.” Julie texts Flynn 911, and Flynn immediately responds. 

“Are you okay?”

“No”

“Want to go to a house party near campus? I need out of my dorm, too. My roommate is driving me nuts.” 

Julie doesn’t want to go to a party, but it sounds better than being here.

“Sure.”


	2. The Lead Singer

“There are a few people from some of my classes here tonight, including James,” Flynn shouts over the music, lifting her eyebrows playfully. Had that been the name she’d mentioned earlier or is this another crush? Julie wonders. She’d only been half listening in the car, but the name wasn’t familiar. Julie smiles at Flynn, but she’s distracted, thinking about how her dad had kept such a big secret for months. 

The house is huge, seemingly built to hold an entire fraternity. It isn’t particularly nice—the floor is sticky and the walls are stained yellow—but it’s spacious, and tonight, there are hundreds of college students crammed into it, drinking excessively, dancing too close for Julie's comfort. The sound of someone talking into a mic in a nearby room piques Julie’s curiosity. Without excusing herself from the group of people they’re now standing with, or even letting Flynn know where she’s going, Julie maneuvers through the crowd of people.

“Thanks for coming tonight. We hope you all are having fun! We are The Phantoms, and this is called Now or Never,” the guy at the mic says just before his fingers start moving over the strings of his guitar, causing a spike in Julie’s heart rate—God, she misses playing music. 

She makes her way to the front of the crowd but off to the side, so she isn’t standing directly in front of the band. She watches as the lead singer plays his guitar and sings into his microphone, and she can’t help but take note of how hot he is. And she’s definitely not the only one who notices. Every girl in the house has made her way over and are bobbing their heads, smiling, screaming, and reaching for him. What fascinates Julie most, though, is that he doesn’t seem to care. He’s so into his music, he hardly pays them any attention while he’s on stage. Song after song, he plays, singing to the audience, an enthusiastic front man, but not distracted by the drunken girls, some practically dressed in nothing more than their underwear. It seems to Julie like it’s all about the music for him, and that makes her even more interested in watching him. The same cannot be said for the bass player, though, who has winked at and waved at every girl in front of them. The band is having fun—jumping around on stage with their instruments, singing to each other, even laughing at times. And again, Julie thinks about how much she once enjoyed singing—before her mom died.

By the last song, the guys are sweaty, and the lead singer’s hair is stuck to his forehead, his muscles glistening under the floodlights they’d set up as makeshift spotlights. Julie feels flushed just looking at him, strumming chords on his guitar, now singing a slow song, his mouth right up against the microphone as he sings. She could listen to his voice all night. 

She knows her face is probably already a shade of red when he suddenly makes eye contact with her. And he doesn’t look away. Julie smiles at him, nervously. Why is he staring at her? She wonders. She realizes she is still wearing her winter coat and hat. He probably thinks she’s weird for starters, she thinks. It might explain why she’s so hot, though. Who wears winter gear in the middle of a party with hundreds of people? 

But then he smiles back at her, and she knows her wardrobe has nothing to do with the heat. Julie isn’t even looking at them, but she senses the girls in the audience are looking at her now, too. She finally caves and looks away from him, her gaze falling to the floor in front of her. His smile is literally too gorgeous, and Julie is afraid she’s going to melt into a puddle in front of all these people. 

When she finally looks back at him, the lead singer has his own eyes closed, singing the final note of the song. Julie sneaks into the crowd of girls gushing over the band as the song ends and the voice on the mic laughs, thanking them for their enthusiasm. Someone starts playing music over the speakers, and Julie finds Flynn exactly where she’d left her, now with a new group of people and a drink in her hand. 

“Hey! Where’d you go?” She asks Julie.

“I was just watching the band,” Julie shrugs. 

“Oh, yeah, they’re great, aren’t they? They play at a lot of these parties,” Flynn says. She looks Julie up and down, “Jules, why are you still wearing all that? You look like you’re on fire.”

“Where am I supposed to put it? Where’d you put yours?” 

“There’s a bedroom upstairs where everyone’s been putting their coats, but I ran mine back to the car. I was worried about it being stolen,” Flynn says, flipping her braids over her shoulder. Julie laughs at the thought because Flynn’s coat is bright purple and bedazzled with silver and pink jewels, with her name scrolled across the back in glitter. She knows no one would steal that coat—at least not expecting to get away with it without someone noticing. “Do you want me to run back to the car with you to take yours?” 

Julie shakes her head, “No, it’s okay. I might in a few minutes, but I’m okay for right now.” 

“Okay,” Flynn says, smiling, holding out the cup in her hand to Julie. “Drink?” 

“Oh. No, thanks. Not tonight,” Julie says. The truth is, Julie rarely drinks, but she doesn’t want Flynn to think she’s judging her for drinking. Plus, one of them has to stay sober to drive them home. 

“So, Julie,” one of the guys they’re standing with says to her, “it’s Julie, right? Flynn has been telling us about you. She said you sing. Are you considering joining our music program?” 

“Um, no. I’m not,” Julie says, forcing a smile on her face.

“I already told you she isn’t interested, Cameron. She’s working on her writing,” Flynn says, trying to dig herself out of the hole she knows she buried herself in by telling them that about me. 

“Right, right. Well, if you ever want to do karaoke or anything, I’d love to duet with you. I’m always looking for new duet partners,” he says, winking. 

Julie simply nods at him, acknowledging his offer but not agreeing to anything. She suddenly wishes she had a drink. Talking about the fact that she’d chosen to go to college for writing because it’s the closest she could get to creating music without actually doing it is not something she wanted to do tonight. And the worst part was that her writing classes weren’t even helping her. She’d hoped by studying great poets and inspiring writers and taking creative writing classes, her lyrics for songs she’d never sing would be better—would more eloquently explain her feelings. But instead, she was still just waking up, writing her thoughts down, and putting them in a box that sits near her bed, never to be seen nor heard.

Every time she’d sat down at the piano for the last four years, she’d frozen in place, overwhelmed with sadness and feelings of loss. She can’t forget her mom and move on, like she feels her dad is doing, but she also can’t pretend like everything is normal and live in the past, as though her mom is still alive, smiling at her while she plays. She’s stuck, unable to move forward and unable to go backwards. 

“Anyway, Cam, I don’t know if you’ve noticed that girl over there,” Flynn says, pointing to some girl paying no attention to us whatsoever, “But she has been eyeing you all night.” I’m grateful to Flynn for trying to change the subject.

“Really?” he says, running his hand down the front of his shirt as if to straighten it out, even though it’s already smooth and free of wrinkles. “Should I go talk to her?” 

Flynn and her friends talk nonstop for the next thirty minutes. Julie notices when they’ve all hit the turning point and are drunk because they all keep breaking out into fits of laughter for no apparent reason. Once, Julie had scanned the room to see if they were drawing everyone’s attention. Surprisingly, no one seemed to be looking at them, probably because the music was so loud, but she’d caught a glimpse of the lead singer. He was leaning back against a wall, his one leg bent so his foot was propped against it, too, his arms crossed over his chest. He’d been talking to his band mates, a few girls hanging around them, one blonde standing with him, resting her head on his bicep. Probably his girlfriend, Julie had thought. He’d laughed at something the flirty bass player said, and Julie tried to etch that image into her brain because she was sure she’d never see a more dreamy smile in her lifetime. The group must have moved soon after because when Julie’s eyes made their way back a few minutes later, they were gone. 

“I’m going to find a bathroom. I really need to pee,” Julie shouts to Flynn, knowing Flynn probably won’t remember where she is thirty seconds from now anyway. 

“Okay! Hey! There’s a secret bathroom on the third floor if the line is too long!” Flynn screams just as the song playing ends. 

“Um, I don’t think it’s a secret anymore, Flynn,” Julie replies, laughing as she leaves Flynn and her college friends and goes on the hunt for a toilet. 

When she finally finds the bathroom, it’s only because there is a line at least thirty people long, filled mostly with drunk girls. Julie crosses her legs. She hasn’t drank anything. She wonders why she even needs to pee so bad, before realizing she hasn’t gone since before her flight earlier in the day. There’s no way she’s waiting in this line. If the bathroom upstairs isn’t an option, she’ll just squat and pee outside if she has to. 

Julie makes her way up the first flight of steps. It’s less crowded upstairs, but there are still people coming and going from bedrooms. She walks down the hall and finally comes to a flight of stairs blocked off by blue painter’s tape—as though that’d stop her with how badly she needs to pee right now. She crawls under the tape that is inconveniently placed too high for her to step over but too low to comfortably bend under. By the time she gets to the top of the steps, she’s sweating, partly from her winter coat and hat, partly because she sprinted up the stairs, but mostly because her bladder actually hurts at this point. The steps lead to one big room, an attic converted to a bedroom it would seem. Off the bedroom, there’s a propped door that can only be the bathroom Flynn had mentioned—there’s nowhere else it could be. 

Julie power walks towards it, practically jogging, and pushes open the door with her elbow, frantically unbuckling her pants. Her line of vision shoots to the first thing she sees—a sink and medicine cabinet to her left—confirming she'd been correct—it's the bathroom. Julie quickly kicks the door closed as she turns to the right—the exact moment she realizes someone is already in the bathroom. The lead singer is standing in front of her, his back to her—peeing. 

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” Julie yells, turning back around, completely embarrassed. She grabs the knob, trying to yank the door open and escape the humiliation. It won't open. What the hell?

“Ah, no!” He says, getting himself situated and flushing the toilet, which now looks more attractive to Julie than even the hot guy standing in front of her. “No, no, no. You can’t close this door. It’s broken. The damn thing locks and can only be opened from the outside,” he says, coming over and jiggling the knob as though he doesn’t believe his own words. 

He turns around, leans against the door, and slides down until he’s sitting on the bathroom floor, then bangs his head back against it. “Well, it seems we’re locked in the bathroom together for the night.”


	3. Locked in The Bathroom

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Julie says quietly. “But we won’t be stuck here all night. I can yell. Maybe someone will hear me.” 

The singer says everything with the look he gives her: “Really? You can’t hear the people you’re standing right next to down there. No one is going to hear us.” 

Julie sighs. “Well, I came up here. Maybe someone else will, too.” 

“Sure. Maybe,” he replies, obviously unconvinced. “I’m Luke,” he says, looking up at Julie who’s standing there uncomfortably. 

“Hi, Luke," she says, hesitating, "I’m trying to decide right now if it will be more mortifying for me to pee my pants right here and have to sit in it all night or to tell you to turn around so I can pee with you in the bathroom. Either way, I have to go. Like now,” Julie says, crossing her legs. Luke lets out a laugh and stands. 

“Please don’t pee your pants. I’d be happy to turn around,” he says, turning to face the door. Julie runs to the toilet, practically ripping her pants down, and makes it just in time. “Jeez. You really did have to go,” Luke laughs. 

“Oh my God. Please don’t comment on my urinating. This is already so embarrassing.” 

“Okay,” he pauses, clearly trying to maintain composure and be respectful, “But you’re still going! How are you still going? Oh my God!” He says, leaning his forehead against the door, his shoulders bouncing with his laughter.

“Shut up!” Julie shrieks, unable to hold back her own laughter, despite feeling herself turn red. 

She flushes the toilet, and Luke asks if it’s safe to turn around. “It’s safe,” she tells him, “but I think I’d rather you just face that direction until we’re out of here.” Luke spins around to face her, that ridiculously gorgeous smile still on his face.

“Are you going to tell me your name or am I going to have to make up some nickname that you’ll probably hate? I warn you, it’ll probably have something to do with a waterfall or a fire hose or a faucet. I’m not quite sure yet,” he teases. 

Julie smirks at him. “Gosh, you’re funny,” she says sarcastically. “It’s Julie.”

“Julie,” he repeats, and it sounds like music rolling off his tongue, “Nice to meet you, even though it’s not under the most ideal circumstances,” he says. Julie nods at him. His smile disappears for a moment as he bites his bottom lip, seeming unsure what to say next. And in that moment, Julie knows she needs to get out of there. She cannot be stuck in this bathroom with a guy this hot. But he continues to make conversation. “So, why are you dressed like you’re in the frozen tundra?” 

“I don’t know. I rushed out of my house and didn’t dress for the occasion, and I didn’t want to just leave my stuff where anyone at this party could take it. Plus, I’m not that hot anyway,” she lies, “I’m from Los Angeles. I’m used to being warmer. It’s too cold here,” Julie shrugs as she makes her way next to him and starts banging on the door, hoping someone will hear her. 

“Wait. What? You’re from LA?” Luke asks, more than a little excited, which catches Julie’s attention.

“Yeah…”

“I am, too! I mean, the whole band is, actually,” he replies, grinning.

“Really? What are you doing here then?”

“It’s a long story,” Luke sighs, his smile fading. Julie stops banging on the door. She’s intrigued. 

“Well, apparently we have lots of time, and I like stories,” she says. 

Luke slides back down to the floor to sit and looks up at Julie. He pats the floor, silently telling her to sit when she doesn't do it automatically. 

“It’s a bathroom floor,” she says, “That’s really gross.” 

He shrugs, “I’ve slept on floors way grosser than this on tour. Believe me, you’ll survive.” Julie hesitates but sits on the floor next to him and leans against the door, ready for him to tell his story. “Okay, well, the short version is that Reggie, Alex, and I were all in a band called Sunset Curve back in LA, with a friend of ours—Bobby. We were really good. Man, we were so good! We’d been practicing and were going to record our first EP and a demo and everything. We were even gonna play at the Orpheum. We were gonna go places, Julie,” he explains, now just staring ahead, “Then we woke up one morning to Trevor Wilson and his new hit album. Bobby had recorded our songs—my songs—before we ever had a chance, so he could be a solo artist. He’d been working on everything behind our backs, under a fake name as just another precautionary measure so we didn’t find out before it was too late for us to stop him, and he blew up overnight.” 

“Oh my— But—did you try to stop him after you found out? Try to explain to everyone that they were your songs? I mean, Trevor Wilson is huge!” 

“Of course we did. I showed my notebook full of songs—those songs—to anyone who’d listen. I played them recordings of the band we had on our cellphones. I felt like the proof was right there, staring at them, but no one cared, or they didn’t want to hear it. We were essentially blacklisted in the LA music scene. Rumors spread that we were jealous of him—trying to ruin ‘Trevor’s’ career. But really, it came down to money, and the people who mattered were making a lot off Bobby. Ugh,” Luke says, his hands balled into fists. 

“I’m so sorry, Luke,” Julie says quietly. He sighs again.

“It’s fine. It sucks, but it’s fine. We came here and started over as The Phantoms, which is so dumb because it was just a joke Reggie made because we’d essentially existed one day, and the next we were practically ghosts in the music world—dead in LA. But the name somehow stuck,” he shrugs. “Anyway, Reggie has an uncle in Cleveland with contacts, you know, managers and stuff. We never wanted to be in the East, but our plan is to write new songs, record them, and take the world by storm, then drag Bobby through the mud once we’re big enough that people will actually listen. He’s not gonna get away with this. It’s just hard to be patient, to repeat everything we’ve already done before. It’s hard to play house parties in a small college town just to try to get a following. But we have to start over somewhere,” Luke says, looking back to Julie, who’s trying to refrain from hugging this guy she just met. 

“Well, I am certain you guys are going to blow up soon. Your band is seriously incredible,” Julie tells him. 

“Yeah? You think?” Luke asks, flashing her a smile. Julie knows he’s fishing for compliments. This guy knows how good he is. But she answers anyway. 

“Absolutely,” she replies. His playful smile becomes softer as he stares at her for a few seconds too long. She looks down again, nervously tugging at the hem of her coat. 

“So, what are you doing in Ohio if you’re from LA?” 

“Oh, well, my family moved here almost four years ago, but I missed California, so I moved back for college. I’m just home for a few weeks for winter break,” she answers, her eyes meeting his again.

“Ah, I see. Why on Earth would your family leave California for this place?” Luke asks, sounding sincerely confused. 

Julie sighs. She hates saying it, and her tongue always feels like lead when she tries. She considers lying or changing the subject—her normal go-tos. But there’s something about him. “My mom died, and I needed a change. Or I thought I did. It didn’t really help,” she shrugs. 

“Julie, I’m so sorry. I know those words are kind of meaningless when you’ve lost someone, but I really am sorry,” Luke says, scooting closer to her. 

Julie smiles sadly at him. “No, I appreciate it. I just feel bad because my dad moved my brother here, and they were perfectly happy in LA. They moved because of me, then I left them to go back the second I could. It’s pretty messed up.” 

“Do they hate it here?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think so. They both seem really happy, actually. My dad, especially. He loves the snow,” Julie chuckles, “I love the idea of snow. My mom loved Christmas time. We had so many snow globes depicting beautiful snowy Christmas scenes. And we had all that fake cotton snow with a big Christmas town set up across our entire living room every single year. It was one of my favorite parts of Christmas. But that tradition kind of died with her.  
“And then I experienced the cold. And real snow is super pretty, but it’s simply too cold for me. If my dad and my brother were back in California, I would have been more than happy to hang some Christmas lights on palm trees and put some of those inflatable Christmas decorations in our yard. You know, in the actual grass and not in a foot of snow. And we could have just daydreamed of snow like we used to,” she pauses, making eye contact with Luke who’s listening intently. “Honestly, though, it’s less about me hating the cold and more about how different it is here. It just feels like another part of my mom that has completely disappeared, traditions that stopped happening because we moved somewhere with actual snow. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

Luke doesn’t respond right away. His eyes seem to study Julie’s face, and she has to force herself to keep looking at him instead of shyly turning away again. “I also love Christmas in LA,” he finally says. “I think there’s something really amazing about taking a smoggy, overpopulated, dry city and transforming it into a winter wonderland, even without the snow. I think it makes the Christmas season even more special because in LA, it really does feel like a complete 180 from the norm.”

“Exactly,” Julie agrees. She leans her head back against the wall. “You really don’t think anyone’s going to come up here and save us?”

“I really don’t,” he says. Then he suddenly sits up, “Wait. Don’t you have a cell phone hidden in one of those pockets?” he asks, gesturing to her coat, excitedly. 

“Believe me, it was the first thing I thought of, but my phone died like an hour ago. I flew in today, and I drained the battery watching Netflix at the airport. Don’t you have a cellphone?”

“I have a cellphone, yes, but not with me. I gave it to some girl to record our set. I couldn’t find her afterwards, but I have everyone on the lookout downstairs.” 

Julie laughs, “You know, this is like straight out of a movie. Like, what are the chances of two people not having access to a phone, just in general, much less ending up locked in a bathroom together?” Luke leans his head back against the door, smiling. 

“Seriously. And I’m so tired. We spent the entire day practicing because we were playing so many new songs tonight. I didn’t even eat today! Julie, I’m so hungry! So, so hungry,” he whines. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Not a clue. Maybe around midnight? But I’m currently suffering from jet lag, and I really can’t be trusted with the time.”

“That’s right. You’ve gotta be beat.”

Julie nods, a yawn emerging as if it heard its cue. “I was thinking, though, my friend Flynn told me about this bathroom. She is very, very drunk, but she might notice I’m missing and think to look up here.” 

“Okay, so there’s hope for us yet.” 

“Yes, it would seem so,” Julie replies, digging a small bag of airplane snack mix out of her pocket and handing it to Luke.

“Oh my God. I think I love you,” he says to her with a wide grin, grabbing the bag out of her hand. She smiles at him, leans her head back again, and closes her eyes to the sound of Luke crunching on salty peanuts.

Julie and Luke jolt awake as someone pushes the door behind them. Julie lifts her head off of Luke’s shoulder, trying to register what’s happening. When she remembers where she is, she looks at Luke who’s smiling at her. “Sorry. I think I drooled on you because that’s the kind of luck I’m having tonight,” she says, standing and wiping her mouth with her coat sleeve.

He stands and rubs his eyes. “It’s okay,” he laughs.

The door opens, and the blonde who had been leaning on Luke earlier is standing there, her eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. 

“Luke,” she finally says, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” She looks at Julie, “Hi. I’m Carrie.” 

“Hi,” Julie says half-heartedly. She looks at Luke one last time. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Luke. Good luck with the band. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for any news of your success. And I’ll start spreading nasty rumors about Trevor Wilson for you immediately,” she says, winking and smiling at him one last time before walking past the blonde.

“See ya, Julie,” she hears Luke say quietly behind her. 

And she can’t help but wonder—will she ever see him again?


	4. The Irish Dancing Golfer

“Hey,” Flynn croaks when she wakes up, realizing Julie’s sleeping next to her in her dorm room bed the next morning.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” Julie asks.

“I’ve had better mornings,” she groans, “But I’ve also had worse,” she winks at Julie. “Where the heck did you disappear to last night? All I remember is you saying you were going to the bathroom, then I guess I remember laying in the backseat on the way home, staring up at street lights, feeling car sick.” 

“I went to the bathroom. And I got locked in,” Julie says, pausing, “With the lead singer of that band.” 

Flynn perks up. “What? All night?” 

“Pretty much. You didn’t tell me that the door to your secret bathroom can’t be closed. Ugh, it was so embarrassing. I had to pee… with him in there!” Flynn bursts out laughing. “Shut up!” Julie says, slapping her arm. “He was very respectful. Actually, he was really, really nice…” 

“Oh, no. No, girl, no,” Flynn says, sitting up, wincing and massaging her temples. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were smitten with this guy.”

“What? No. I don’t even know him. He’s obviously, you know, attractive, but I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, right. That boyfriend that you pretty much never mention.”

“There’s nothing to say,” Julie shrugs.

“Exactly!” Julie rolls her eyes at her best friend. “I mean it, Jules, I don’t know anything about him except that he plays the guitar. How come you never talk about him?” 

“What do you want to know?” she asks. Julie is distracted by where this conversation has gone. Nick has actually avoided playing the guitar in front of Julie this past year because he knows that whenever she’s around other people making music, it claws at her heart. An overwhelming sadness washes over her because it reminds her of both the loss of her mom but also the loss of what meant the most to her in this world—music. But watching Luke’s band didn’t do that to her. Watching him didn’t make her feel that way. She can’t explain it, but it’s both scary and exhilarating. 

“I don’t know,” Flynn replies, adjusting the blanket so it fully covers her, “I just think it’s weird is all.”

“Well, he’s sweet, and he always puts me first. He likes to golf, and he’s a terrible dancer but has decided to take up Irish Step Dancing for some reason. Um, let’s see, what else…”

Flynn throws her body back down on the bed. “No, I’ve heard enough. Really. Spare me.”

Julie laughs, “You’ll just have to meet him. He’s really nice, I swear.” 

“Fine, he’s nice, but does he excite you? Like the lead singer?”

“His name is Luke, and I never said he excites me,” Julie replies, feeling the heat in her cheeks. 

“You didn’t have to. Believe me, it’s written all over your face. But don’t forget you’re only here for a few weeks.”

“I know. It’s not like I’ll ever see him again anyway,” Julie says. But deep down, she’s really hoping she’s wrong. 

Flynn drops Julie off at her house to have the inevitable conversation with her dad about his not-so-new girlfriend.

“You could have texted or something, so I knew you were okay,” her dad says right when she opens the door.

“Sorry,” she says, sliding off her coat. 

“Listen, I think we should talk about this,” her dad sighs.

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about, Dad. I’m still mad that you didn’t tell me about her. But, I mean, if you want to date, then fine. I’m not here most of the year anyway. I just don’t want to be around your girlfriends when I am here. I can’t just move on like that, and I don’t want to have to pretend in my own house.” Julie knows she sounds spoiled, but it’s Christmas time. It’s her mom’s favorite holiday. And her mom loved it because it was when everyone slowed down and enjoyed family time. His girlfriends were not her family. Maybe if Tessa is still around in the summer she’ll get to know her then—if she comes back home for the summer. But probably not.

“Come on, Julie. Just try for me. Please. I actually think you'd like her if you'd give her a chance.”

“I don’t want to fight about it, Dad. If you want to have her over, that’s fine. Just let me know when, so I can go back to Flynn’s,” she says, sliding her boots off and heading upstairs to her room, leaving her dad standing there.

She closes her bedroom door and opens the trunk full of her mom’s things she’d decided to keep for herself. She rummages through it, not looking for anything specific, just wanting to feel closer to her mom. She comes across sheet music—a song her mom had written for her. She gently runs her fingers over the pages. The first time Julie ever played it, her mom had cried. She’d told Julie how proud of her she was, how her voice was a force to be reckoned with, and to never let anyone steal the music from her heart. She remembers it like it was yesterday. Her mom obviously hadn't known that it was her death that would be what stole Julie's music.

Later that night, Julie goes downstairs, clenching the papers in her hand, unsure if she’ll be able to play it. But something inside of her wants to. And it’s the first time she’s felt the urge since her mom died. She clears off the top of the piano, which has become more of a storage shelf than an instrument over the years. She sits on the bench and places the music in front of her. She lifts the keyboard cover, and stares at the piano, just like she did so many times years ago, before she’d finally given up on music. She rests her fingers on the keys and taps one for the first time in years. Then another. And another. And before she knows it, she’s playing her mom’s song. She can’t bring herself to sing the lyrics, though she wouldn’t be able to sing through the sobbing anyway. She feels the tears dripping from her face, all over the keys. But she’s playing. For the first time. Her heart hurts, but it also feels fuller, like this could be the beginning of something. Like maybe she’ll be able to make music again. 

She’s wiping her face dry when she feels arms wrap around her from behind. Carlos. She hugs his arms.   
“That was really pretty,” he says quietly. And Julie starts crying again. The two stay like that until Julie runs out of tears, reminding her that even without her mom, she really does have the best family—and easily the sweetest little brother. 

She spends the week Googling Luke’s band, looking for any sign of them suddenly making it big. And maybe an indication of where they’ll be playing next, so she can see him again. But she can’t find anything. So when Flynn mentions the possibility of going to a party on Thursday night, Julie jumps at the chance. Flynn is suspicious of Julie’s enthusiasm, but they go. Unfortunately, the band isn’t there. But Julie does catch sight of Carrie glaring at her from across the room at one point. The girls aren’t there long before Julie asks Flynn if she minds if they leave. Julie’s bored, and her only reason for coming isn’t there. 

“So you want to come over this weekend? Maybe watch movies and eat pizza and do nothing?” Julie asks Flynn on the way home. 

“Sure, I just can’t on Saturday night. I’m going to an open mic night with Cameron. He signed up for a slot.” 

“Are you and Cameron…”

“Ew! Gross! No! We’re really only acquaintances. Our entire program goes to these things. You can come with us if you want,” Flynn takes her eyes off the road and glances at her, “I would have invited you earlier. I just didn’t think you’d want to go. I thought…”

“I know, but no, I want to go,” Julie smiles at her. 

Ever since watching Luke sing, she’s been itching to be immersed in music again. It’s probably part of the reason she can’t stop thinking about him. How had he had that effect on her? How had he brought life back to something that died inside of her so long ago?


	5. Wake Up

Saturday night rolls around and Julie picks through her closet trying to find an outfit, but most of her cute clothes are in California, and they’re made for much warmer weather than this. She settles on a bright blue sweater that hangs off one shoulder and a pair of silver leggings with white boots. Half of her hair is pulled up into a bun on the top of her head, some strands falling and framing her face, while the rest of her curls are wild.

Flynn drives them to the Thirsty Dog Open Mic Night. They get a stamp at the door indicating they’re underage and sit at a table near the back of the room. The lights are turned down low. A small stage sits at the front of the room with a single spotlight on it. Most people are at tables but some are hovering in groups along the walls having drinks. As soon as the MC starts introducing performers, something shifts in Julie. She isn’t quite sure what it is, but she suddenly feels the urge building inside of her again—this time stronger. 

By the third performance, Flynn begins to take notice. 

“Jules, are you okay? You seem, I don’t know, nervous. You can’t sit still,” she says, gesturing to Julie's bouncing leg and table-tapping fingers.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. Not nervous. Antsy, maybe. I don’t know. It’s so weird, like maybe I want to perform for the first time since my mom died.” 

“Oh my God. You have to then,” Flynn exclaims.

Julie laughs, “I didn’t sign up. I’m just saying, it’s nice to have the feeling again.” 

“You can have Cameron’s spot,” Flynn replies, causing Julie’s body to finally go still.

“What? No,” Cameron objects, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest, “Sorry.”

Flynn points at him, her voice becoming stern, “She can have your spot.” 

Cameron huffs and drops his arms, “Fine.” He rolls his eyes. 

“And I’d think twice about rolling those pretty blue eyes at me, or I will make sure you don’t have eyes to roll,” she says, picking up a fork and pointing it at him. Julie can’t help but laugh, despite her nerves building from the possibility of actually going up there.

“Flynn, I don’t think it works that way. I can’t just take someone else’s spot.”

“Sure you can. We’re friends with the MC. He won’t care. He’s the most chill dude I know. I mean, if you’re sure you want to do it, that is...” 

“I’m not sure at all. I might freeze. I don’t know,” Julie replies, visibly shaking.

“No, you can do it. I know you can. And if you can’t, Cam will run up there real quick and take over.” She looks at Cameron. “I’m going to talk to Willie. I will be right back, and you will be nice to my girl,” she says, eyeing her fork one more time before leaving the table. Julie lips “sorry” to Cameron, but he doesn’t seem to be in a very forgiving mood. He looks back up to the stage, ignoring Julie. 

She suddenly notices Carrie sitting at a nearby table. Why is that girl everywhere? Julie wonders. When Flynn gets back, Julie asks about her. Flynn says she’s Satan herself and that she’s the lead singer in her own girl group called Dirty Candy. She’s also in Flynn’s music program. Hm, it makes sense that Luke would be into a cute girl who’s also in a band, Julie thinks. 

When she sees Willie bring the keyboard out to center stage a little while later, Julie is sure she’s going to be sick. He introduces her, but she's completely frozen in her seat. 

“She’s choking,” Cameron says, smirking. Without hesitation and in one swift move, Flynn picks up her fork and chucks it at him, hitting him in the chest. 

“Ow!”

“You don’t have to do it, Jules. This prick over here will go up there.”

“No, I can do it,” she says, sliding her chair out. Her legs threaten to betray her, but she makes it up onto the stage and to the keyboard. She sits down and leans toward the microphone. 

“This is called Wake Up,” she says. She places her fingers on the keyboard and closes her eyes. And she’s suddenly calmer, like the keys beneath her fingers will keep her safe. Is it a good idea to sing for the first time in four years in front of an entire room full of very talented people? Probably not, but at least she would never see most of them ever again. 

Her fingers move easily over the keys, like this is what she was born to do, as she plays the opening notes to her mom’s song. A few counts later, she’s startled by the sound of her own voice. She’s nervous at first, unsure if she can even sing anymore. But she quickly remembers that this is what she’s meant to do as she grows more comfortable. 

She dares to open her eyes for only a moment and catches a glimpse of everyone staring at her. She closes them again. She pictures her mom, sitting in the audience, watching her make a comeback after years of grieving, watching her find her way back to what she loves. She imagines her mom holding her, getting to hear her mom’s voice again, telling her how proud she is. Before she knows it, she's standing at her keyboard, her fingers playing like her life depends on it as she belts into the microphone. And her mom’s there, smiling and crying, and singing along. 

The second she finishes singing the final note, the crowd erupts. Julie opens her eyes and realizes she has tears running down her face. She quickly wipes them away and looks out at the audience, half-smiling. She finally sang for the first time, and it felt like something unlocked inside of her. 

Just before she’s about to return to her table, she notices Reggie, Alex, and Luke standing directly in front of the stage to her right. Reggie and Alex are clapping their hands wildly, huge smiles on their faces, but Luke is just staring at her, his lips slightly parted, wearing an expression that Julie can’t quite figure out. 

She waves at him nervously. She’d been hoping to see him all week, but now that he’s there, standing right in front of her, she has no idea how to act or what she’ll say if he tries to talk to her. He smiles and bites his bottom lip, just like he did in the bathroom, and nods a hello to her. Why does he do that lip-biting thing? Doesn’t he know that it kind of makes her come undone? She thinks to herself. 

She leaves the stage, returning to Flynn, who clearly had been crying too. Flynn comments on how amazing Julie’s performance was. Cameron just stares at her, like he’s in the presence of greatness. 

“Okay. That was worth giving up my spot. Flynn said you could sing, but—” he shakes his head, his eyebrows raised.

“Thanks,” Julie says, chugging her water. 

The three of them sit there chatting and listening to the performers, and Julie tries to be present. But she keeps catching herself looking around the room for Luke. Highly perceptive Flynn takes notice. 

“Julie, stop it. You already have a boyfriend—albeit one who is apparently an Irish dancing golfer. And I shouldn’t need to remind you, yet again, that you are leaving in a couple of weeks.” 

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Julie replies, sitting back in her seat. She knows Flynn’s right. She has to stop pretending like there could be something between them. It isn’t like she even knows the first thing about Luke. And, yes, she does have a boyfriend. A very sweet boyfriend.

But then The Phantoms come on stage. And as soon as Luke starts singing again, she forgets about Nick. She forgets that she’s leaving. Nothing else exists. And her eyes are completely fixated on him when he finds her in the audience. Their eyes lock. And this time, she doesn’t look away. She smiles at him with a newfound sense of confidence, and he smiles back, still singing. 

He finally breaks eye contact with her as he steps away from his mic, shreds on his guitar, and makes his way over to Reggie’s mic where the two of them sing back and forth. They are… adorable. It is the only word she can think to describe these guys. Sure, they’re hot. But their chemistry as a band is palpable, and the fun they have on stage is so contagious. Everyone in the audience is yelling and clapping to the beat. Every person in the place is enjoying themselves. Julie couldn’t wipe the smile from her face if she wanted to. 

When they’re done, Luke makes his way over to Julie and Flynn, who are now standing in the back of the room with a group of Flynn’s friends. He flashes Flynn a smile and says hi. If Julie didn’t know better, she’d think Luke somehow knows he better get in Flynn’s good graces if he wants to be friends with her best friend.

“Hey,” he says, now directing his attention to Julie. 

“Hi,” she replies, all confidence she felt from the back of the room, when she was nowhere near him, dissipating. Flynn’s standing there watching the interaction, making Julie even more nervous. 

“So, you sing. And play the keyboard. We were locked in a bathroom together for hours, and you never mentioned it,” he smiles.

“It didn’t come up,” she shrugs. “Plus, this was my first time since, you know, my mom...” 

“You told him about your mom?” Flynn suddenly asks, completely taken aback. 

“We were locked in the bathroom for hours,” Julie states, as though it explains why she’d talked to this stranger about something she would literally talk to no one about for over a year, and even now hardly ever mentions. Flynn shakes her head and walks away. 

“What was that about?” Luke asks.

“I don’t know. She’s temperamental tonight,” Julie shrugs, though she really hopes Flynn isn’t too upset. Flynn used to beg Julie to talk to her about it, claiming to know she would feel better. But it was a really long time before she was ready to open up to Flynn about her mom. 

“Gotchya. Well, you were, like, really insanely good up there.”

“Thanks,” she says. They stand there for a second, both of them look down, their lips turned into small smiles. Neither of them sure of what to say next. She wonders if he feels the electricity between them that she’s feeling. “So...do you guys do open mic night often?”

“Yeah, as much as we can. We play anywhere we can, anytime we can, really,” he says, perking up, like she’s noticed he does whenever he starts talking about the band, “Plus, Alex has a crush on the MC here,” he adds with a chuckle. 

“Aw, that’s cute,” Julie replies, looking in the direction of Alex talking to Willie. They are cute together. “So, I Googled you.”

“What?” 

“Oh. I mean, not you. Your band,” Julie says, blushing. “I just wanted to see if you became famous or anything.”

“Julie, it’s only been like a week since I last saw you,” Luke laughs.

“I know, but you said Trevor Wilson blew up overnight, and if it could happen for him, it can definitely happen for you. I just didn’t want to miss the news.” 

“That’s nice, but Bobby had contacts and a recording studio and money to pay to record his EP. We’re working from the ground up here. It’s not gonna happen overnight for us,” he says almost bitterly. Then he smiles at her again, seeming to realize that Julie looks nervous that she said the wrong thing, “Maybe give us another week, you know?” 

She smiles and nods at him. Just then, she notices Carrie heading in their direction.

“Oh, I think your girlfriend is looking for you…” Julie says looking past him at the blonde approaching. Luke’s eyes are still on Julie, though, with a furrowed brow, totally confused. 

“I dont—”

“Hey, Luke!” Carrie cuts him off. 

“Okay, well, Luke, it was good to see you. I’ll leave you two to it,” she says, walking away without waiting for a response. She heads back to the table, where Flynn and Cameron are now sitting again. She glances one last time at Luke, who is nodding and smiling at something Carrie is saying, but he keeps looking in Julie’s direction. 

“Are you ready to go?” Julie asks Flynn. 

“I’ve been ready to go. I just didn’t want to interrupt you and your new boy candy,” she replies, standing and grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair. 

“He is not my boy candy, whatever that means.” 

“Mmmmhmmmm…” Flynn says, slipping her arms into her jacket sleeves. Julie takes the risk and rolls her eyes, hoping Flynn doesn’t threaten to pull them out with a fork. 

The girls are about to get in Flynn’s car when Julie hears Luke shout her name. She turns and he’s jogging towards her. 

“Hey,” he says to Julie, “I was wondering if—um— I could get your number?” 

Julie’s sure her heart skips a beat. She knows she shouldn’t. You’re dating Nick, she tells herself. 

“Sure,” she says, before her brain even has time to catch up with what’s happening. His grin widens as he takes out his phone. She tells him her number as he types it. 

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon...” he says, walking backwards, not breaking eye contact with her. 

And that image of him is what Julie goes to sleep thinking about that night.


	6. Winter Wonderland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is a bit long. It didn't feel like there was a good place to break it up.

Julie waits all week for a text. A call. Something, anything. She talks to Nick several times, and each time her phone rings and it’s him, she feels guilty for feeling disappointed. 

She never hears from Luke. 

“Now that our semester’s over, this weekend will probably be a huge party weekend—the last one before everyone goes home for Christmas next week. Then it gets really dead around here,” Flynn reminds Julie as they load up some things Flynn wants to take home from her dorm room. “You want to go out, or are you over it?” 

Julie shrugs. She’d only been going to these parties with Flynn because she’d hoped to see Luke, and he’s obviously not interested—not that it matters, she reminds herself. “I don’t know. Maybe.” 

“Julie, are you… sulking?” She pauses, holding a pair of hot pink shoes in her hands. 

“Of course not,” Julie replies, not meeting Flynn’s eyes. Flynn can read her like a book.

“You are! You are disappointed he didn’t call you. Girl, it’s his loss—even if you don’t live here and are already taken. It’s all the more reason to hit up some parties and hope to see him. We will dress you up so you look even more irresistible than you already do, and when he tries to talk to you—because that much is inevitable—you will flip your hair and strut away, leaving him regretting his decision. Mhm,” she says, nodding. 

Julie laughs. Sometimes she wishes she could be more like Flynn. She doesn’t have the same desire to be spiteful, but she is curious about what he’d say, if he said anything to her at all, if she saw him again. Would he give a reason for not calling? She wonders why he even asked for her number, but at least now, she won’t feel as awkward about maybe possibly developing a teeny tiny innocent crush on him because it’s one-sided—again, not that it matters anyway. 

Julie doesn’t go along with Flynn’s plan. The last thing she wants to do is spend the night uncomfortable in four-inch heels and a mini-skirt in the middle of winter, especially when she will very likely not even see Luke. Instead, she wears a green and white tie-dyed hoodie with a huge Santa face printed on the front, a pair of distressed jeans, and red Moon Boots that she actually loves even though Flynn had once gotten them for her as a joke. She puts on red lipstick and dangling Christmas tree earrings and leaves her hair down. 

When they get to the first party, Julie realizes it’s mostly an outdoor event. There’s a fire in the backyard, and a group of girls has set up a hot chocolate station in their garage. Everyone is hanging out on the lawn while music blasts through speakers in the windows. It’s freezing and giant snowflakes are falling, and Julie immediately regrets leaving her coat at home. She hadn’t wanted to be stuck in a hot house with her winter coat again, especially knowing the parties were likely to be even more crowded now that finals weren’t happening. 

She leaves Flynn chatting with some of her friends and heads to the backyard and hovers near the fire. She’s warming her hands, considering telling Flynn she just wants to go home, when she sees Luke, Reggie, and Alex across from her. The fire casts shadows on Luke’s face, flames dancing between them. God, he is dreamy, she thinks. They laugh about something, then seemingly out of nowhere, Reggie starts singing Silent Night. Alex and Luke join in, harmonizing with him. Julie is in awe of this talented group of guys singing a cappella Christmas songs. People start heading to the backyard just to listen to them near the fire. 

Luke suddenly notices Julie for the first time, watching him through the fire. This time she doesn’t smile at him. She’s not getting sucked in by his good looks or his charisma only to be rejected—not that she’d really put herself out there. He waves to her, still singing. She waves back, a small, weak flick of her hand. He summons her over. Julie looks around. There are tons of people out here now, is he talking to her? Why's he telling her to come over?

She slowly walks around the fire towards them. Once she reaches the boys, Luke leaves Alex and Reggie singing alone just long enough to say, “Sing with us.” He joins back in with them and finally smiles at Julie, encouraging her to sing. Everyone is watching her because they’re watching the group sing. Talk about pressure.

So she does it. She sings. And when her voice meets Luke’s, they look at each other, almost surprised, both of them smiling like they realize their voices belong together—like they’re meant to sing together. Each note fills Julie with a warmth she can’t explain. The fluttering in her stomach is distracting. She needs to look away from those alluring eyes staring back at her, reflecting both the orange flames of the fire as well as her ever growing feelings for this guy she doesn’t know at all. 

As soon as the song ends, Reggie immediately starts singing more uptempo Christmas songs. Julie joins the guys in singing song after song—Walking in A Winter Wonderland, Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, Jingle Bell Rock. They’re all singing and dancing and clapping, and Julie is having a blast. Reggie and Luke play air guitars while Alex creates beats against his chest or thighs. Reggie and Alex sing a lot of background Ooos and Ahs, clapping their hands or snapping their fingers, while Julie and Luke sing melodies together. For the first time, Julie isn’t hating the snow or the Christmas songs. In fact, she’s actually feeling grateful that her dad has always played these songs on repeat beginning the day after Halloween. Now, she can sing with this gorgeous guy, next to a warm fire, as he looks at her like he might regret not calling. 

As they finish singing Hallelujah, Alex starts, “Boom, Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom.” Oh no, she thinks—Santa Baby. She’s sure Alex isn’t expecting Luke to sing it. So she starts singing, hoping someone joins in with her. But they don’t. Reggie joins Alex, and Luke’s just watching. She’s on her own, so she decides she’s just going to put on a show. She makes her way over to people in the crowd, singing and leaning into all the guys, intentionally ignoring Luke, asking, in song, for everything she pretends to want. When she gets to the lyric, “Think of all the fellas I haven’t kissed,” she’s sure to sing it to Reggie, running her finger down the front of his chest flirtatiously. Maybe Flynn has rubbed off on her after all. 

When she finishes, everyone claps for her, and she bows. Julie hasn’t even realized that she’s soaked from the constant snowfall. They’ve already sang all the songs any of them can think of, including what Julie calls the “kid songs”, like Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and Jingle Bells. She doesn’t mention when she thinks of “All I Want For Christmas is You.” That’d just be awkward. Just when they think they’re done, Reggie starts in with, “The snow glows white on the mountains tonight. Not a footprint to be seen—”

“Are you singing a Frozen song?” Julie asks him, smiling. 

“Why do you even know that song?” Alex asks.

“Dude, Elsa’s hot,” Reggie says, trying to defend himself. 

“Reg, she’s animated,” Luke laughs. But Reggie just shrugs. He can’t be convinced otherwise. They all laugh, looking around, realizing there’s hardly anyone still out there. They’ve all either made their way inside or have left because of the snow, which is coming down fast and hard. The fire is fading fast, unable to survive the heavy, wet snow. One of the giant snowflakes lands on Luke’s eyelashes, and she instinctively reaches up to wipe it away.

“Sorry,” she says, blushing, suddenly realizing what she’s doing. He just smiles at her. 

“You want to go inside? You have to be cold in just a hoodie.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Julie agrees, knowing that she should find Flynn and leave before the roads get too bad but really not wanting to all of a sudden. She follows behind Luke, and Reggie and Alex trail behind her. When they get inside, there’s only thirty or so people left at the party. Julie sees Flynn talking to James, and as soon as Flynn catches her eye, she gestures for Julie to come over there. The boys keep walking toward the kitchen, so Julie breaks off and heads over to Flynn.

“I saw your concert,” she says flatly.

“Oh?”

“Jules, I’m really happy you’re singing again. I’m just nervous that you’re treading on really thin ice. I just worry that you’re doing something you’re going to regret. Do I think you should be dating Nick? No. I think if he’s as nice as you say he is then he probably deserves to be with someone who actually wants to be with him and isn’t just looking for something comfortable and safe. But you are dating him, Jules. This just seems messed up.”

“I hear you, but I’m not doing anything. Nothing is happening!” Julie counters.

“Something is happening. And every single person out there could see it. Even Carrie is over there pouting in the corner because she knows she’s lost this battle.” 

“What?” Julie asks, her eyes darting to where Flynn pointed. She’s right that Carrie is standing over there, a drink in her hand, shooting Julie a murderous stare. “I thought they were dating.”

“I have no idea what’s going on between them. She’s always hanging all over him, but look at him. Can you blame her? But before you two take things wherever they seem to be going, you both might want to have a conversation about the other people in your lives.”

Julie sighs. “Flynn, I would agree with you. Absolutely. If we were ‘going’ somewhere. All we did was sing some songs together!” 

“Fine. Be in denial. But ask yourself this: If Nick were here, would he be okay with how the two of you are together? Because if not, then that should tell you something,” Flynn replies. 

Julie hates that even a tipsy Flynn has a clearer head than she does when it comes to Luke. She hates when Flynn is right if it means she’s wrong. 

“Okay. You’re right. We should probably just go. It’s getting pretty nasty out there anyway.” 

“Sure. I think that’s best—for everybody. But can you drive?” Flynn asks, walking over to the trash can to toss her cup. 

“Yeah, sure. I mean, I might have an anxiety attack driving in the snow, but it’s better than you driving us,” Julie says, wrapping her arms around herself. She’s wet and cold and can’t wait to blast the heat in the car. Julie knows she should say bye to the guys, but she considers the fact that Luke didn’t call and decides against it. On her way out the door, she catches a glimpse of Carrie emerging from the corner, her eyes laser-focused on something—or someone—and Julie’s sure she knows where she’s going. She’s stabbed by a pang of jealousy as she closes the door behind her. 

“Um, Jules,” Flynn says as they start down the driveway, their feet sinking into the deep snow. “I don’t know if we should be driving in this right now. I mean, we can hardly see three feet in front of us. I can’t even tell where the driveway ends and the road begins.” 

Julie agrees, but she also knows she doesn’t want to go back inside—or at least that she shouldn’t go back inside. She considers calling Nick, breaking up with him over the phone, right then and there. But what would be the point? She does like him. He treats her so well, and he really is talented. There is nothing blatantly wrong with their relationship. Why would she break up with him because she has some feeling in her gut for a guy she’ll never see again after tonight? She’ll return to California in a couple of weeks, now able to make music with Nick, and they’ll go back to being happy, just like they have been for nearly a year. 

“Let’s just try,” Julie says, walking ahead of Flynn, determined to leave.

“Okay…”

The girls settle into the car, and Julie looks ahead at the snow-covered windshield. 

“I guess we need to brush off the snow…” Julie says, remembering how much she hates Ohio and actual snowy winters. 

Flynn has her head leaned against the passenger side window. “Okay.” She looks like she’s about to fall asleep. 

“Okay as in I’m on my own?”

“Exactly,” she says.

Julie groans, grabbing the scraper from beside Flynn’s feet, and getting out of the car. She starts brushing the snow off the car door windows, snowflakes covering her sweatshirt and her hair. She scrapes the ice, then moves to the back of the car where she notices the defrost is starting to melt some of the snow on the back window. She brushes off the tail lights. When she looks up, Luke’s standing there, his hands shoved in his coat pockets, snow falling on his gray beanie. 

“Hey, you leaving?” he asks.

“Well, we’re trying,” she says, looking at the car, a sheet of white already covering the windows again. 

“You noticed there’s like a blizzard, though, right?” 

“There is?” Julie asks, playing dumb. Luke smiles. 

“I just mean it seems dangerous. Chris said anyone who’s here can just sleep here. We’ll all be stuck on the floor, probably without blankets, but it’s gotta be better than trying to drive home in this.” 

Julie sighs. She knows spending the night is a bad idea. She also knows driving in this is a bad idea. But one might kill her. Or maybe they both might. She opens the driver’s side door. 

“Nevermind, Flynn. I guess we’re sleeping here,” Julie says to her, leaning in and grabbing the keys out of the ignition. 

“What? Why?” she asks, groggy. Had she really fallen asleep that quickly? 

“Luke said people are just staying over because the roads got so bad so quickly,” Julie shrugs, nonchalantly. Flynn sits up and looks at Julie, then notices Luke standing outside.

“So you’re saying that five minutes ago you were willing to die in order to get out of here, and now he’s standing in front of you asking you to spend the night with him, and we’re just gonna… do it?” 

“Flynn, he’s not asking me to spend the night with him,” Julie says, lowering her voice and clenching her teeth, “And he’s going to hear you. Oh my God. It’s awful out here! I thought maybe we’d be able to make it home, but I don’t think you understand how much snow there is on this road. And I’m spending the night with you. Not him.” 

“Whatever,” she says, swinging her door open and hopping out. She doesn’t wait for Julie. She just trudges through the snow to the front door. Julie closes her car door, and looks at Luke. She knows she’s in trouble. 

Inside, Christmas songs are blaring from the speakers now. Half the group is standing around, still drinking, while the rest have found places on the couch or the floor, their coats acting as blankets or pillows. The TV is on with captions, and there is a small, dim lamp in the corner of the room illuminating only the space where it sits.  
“Okay, well, I’m going to go find Flynn and make sure she’s okay. She’s really drunk,” Julie lies because she can’t very well tell him she has feelings she shouldn’t have when she’s near him. 

“Sure. Okay,” he says. Julie nods at him, giving him a tight smile, and turns to actually go find Flynn. 

When she does find her, she’s sitting on the kitchen counter making out with some guy Julie’s never seen before. What happened to James? And how had she gone from angry at Julie to having her tongue down this guy’s throat in what felt like a millisecond? Julie knows Flynn is just having fun, and she isn’t worried about her, so she doesn’t break it up. She heads back to the living room instead. 

Reggie has his hand up against a wall, practically boxing a girl in who’s leaning against it. She seems more than okay with it as they both laugh. She notices Alex sitting cross-legged beneath the bay window, tossing his phone in the air then catching it, over and over, seeming like he’s deep in thought about something. She decides Alex is the safe bet. He has always seemed like the softy of the group the few times she’s been around them, while Reggie seems like the girl-crazy goof and Luke seems like the super passionate and… intense one. Or maybe that just describes how she feels when they make eye contact, because she knows Luke also seems like a lot of fun—just very focused on his music, which she loves. 

“Hey,” she says to Alex, who stops tossing his phone and looks up at her.

“Hey, Julie,” he says, smiling at her. She sits down next to him. 

“Everything okay? You seemed deep in thought. I wasn’t sure if I should come over here or not.”

“Oh, yeah. Everything’s fine. You’re welcome to hang out over here.”

“Thanks. So, Luke said you guys are from LA. Are you planning on going home for Christmas?” 

“Probably not. My parents, they—uh—didn’t take it too well when I told them that I’m gay. They’d probably be fine with me coming home, but I’d rather be with people who actually want me around, you know?” 

Julie nods, “I’m sorry, Alex. That really sucks. But I’m glad you’re here,” she says, smiling at him. 

“Thanks,” he says, leaning over and bumping her shoulder. 

“And Reggie and Luke? They aren’t going home either then?” 

“No. None of us have the greatest relationships with our parents, actually. The three of us are basically what family we have left.”

“Well, you guys are all lucky to have each other. Seems like a pretty amazing family to me,” Julie says, suddenly feeling overcome with sadness. These three sweet boys don’t have family to spend Christmas with. It doesn’t seem fair. “So, what’s up with you and Willie?” Alex turns ten shades of red.

“Luke told you about Willie?” 

“Just in passing. Don’t be mad at him. He didn’t really tell me anything. Just that you might like him.”

“I didn’t know he knew I liked him,” Alex says, confused and half-laughing. 

“Oh. He made it sound like it was one of the reasons you guys were at Open Mic Night,” Julie says. 

He shakes his head, “Luke was so insistent about us going that night—even more so than he usually is when it comes to us playing. It was really annoying because Reggie and I didn’t feel like going, but now when I think about how the night played out, I’m realizing it was probably Luke trying to set us up, get us to talk” Alex laughs. 

“Sounds like something family would do,” Julie says, sitting back. That was so sweet of him, she thinks. No, she argues with herself, stop thinking about the possibility that he’s also a really sweet guy. 

She suddenly catches sight of Luke sitting behind the couch, leaning against the back of it, still bundled up in his coat and hat. He’s alone, just scrolling through his phone. 

“I’ll be back, Alex,” she says. Alex smiles at her, seeing where she’s planning to go. 

“Sure. No rush, though.” 

Julie reluctantly walks over to Luke. As soon as he notices her, he clicks his phone off. 

“Hey. How’s Flynn?” he asks. 

“She’s fine. She seems… happy.” 

“Okay…good,” he says, having no idea what she’s talking about. Julie sits down next to him, leaning back against the couch. 

“I thought your phone might be broken,” she says before her brain’s filter can do its job. She blushes at the fact that she said it, but she looks at him anyway. 

“Yeah…. About that... I just realized I had no idea what to say,” he says. 

“Oh.” Julie has no idea how to respond to that. Usually in the past when guys would ask for her number, they’d either text and explicitly ask for a hook up or they’d ask her out on an actual date. So she has no idea what he means. 

“Sorry,” he says. 

She shrugs. “It’s not a big deal,” she says, even though she’d spent more time staring at her phone this week than she cares to admit. 

She swears it’s getting colder in this house. She shivers, once again hating that she’d decided not to wear a coat, but even more annoyed that it happened on a night when she had to sleep in her wet hoodie with no blanket. 

Luke suddenly stands and holds his hand out to Julie to help her up. She grabs it, which sends shivers down her entire body. This time it isn’t because she’s cold. Her hand seems to fit perfectly in his rough, calloused hand. The most innocent gesture turns Julie’s cheeks pink, and she’s sure he can see it. 

“Where are we going?” she asks, noting that he hasn’t let go of her hand as he pulls her toward a hallway. He doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he pulls her into a bedroom, and so many feelings wash over her, she completely freezes. Part of her would be delighted to hook up with this beautiful boy in front of her, but she has a boyfriend, and that would be way too messed up. She already feels guilty just having butterflies around Luke.

She’s so in her head she almost misses him letting go of her hand and saying, “We’ve gotta be quick.” 

Julie panics. She has to tell him she has a boyfriend. “Luke, I—” But then he’s suddenly rummaging through the closet and pulling down a hoodie. He tosses it to her. She’s confused as she catches it, along with the sweatpants he throws to her. 

“Okay, let’s go,” he says, grabbing her hand again and leading her back out of the room. Once they’re in the hallway, he closes the door behind them. “The bathroom is down there on the right,” he says, pointing down the hall. “I doubt anyone will notice what you’re wearing, but even if they do, no one’s going to say anything. Even if I give you my coat, you can’t sleep in soaking wet clothes.” 

Julie just stares at him, still trying to get a grasp on reality. She can’t believe she’d almost embarrassed herself by letting him know she thought he wanted to do more than just get her dry clothes in that bedroom. 

“You okay?” he asks, looking concerned. 

“Oh, yeah,” she says, snapping out of it. “Thank you. That was really nice of you to do.” 

“You’re welcome. You should change before someone sees you walking around with the clothes in your hands, though.” She nods and heads down the hallway to change. 

When she comes back to the living room, she’s carrying her wet clothes and swimming in some stranger’s sweats. Luke, sitting back in his spot behind the couch, sees her emerge from the hallway and chuckles. 

“Jules! Come on, we’re setting up camp over here!” Flynn calls from across the room. Julie’s heart sinks. She glances at Luke, whose expression seems to be saying he feels the same way she does. 

“Sure, okay,” Julie responds, likely too quietly for Flynn to hear her. She’d promised to sleep with Flynn, she reminds herself, and it’s for the best—clearly. She walks past Luke and gives him a small smile. 

“Goodnight,” he says.

“Goodnight,” she replies, wishing she could just sit and hang out with him without having to worry about falling for him. 

Flynn’s eyes are closed, her head laying on Random Guy’s stomach. Julie rests her head on Flynn’s back. She’s really uncomfortable, but it’s better than just lying on the hardwood floor without a pillow. Some guy turns the music down, so it’s more background noise now, then turns off the lamp in the corner and goes to his bedroom—the room Luke had stolen clothes from. The TV is still on, providing some light in the living room, plus there are still a few stragglers drinking, so light from the kitchen is pouring in, too. It’s otherwise dark and quiet. 

Julie’s phone buzzes. She fishes it out of her pocket. It’s Nick asking her how everything is going, how the weather is here, how Flynn is, what she’s been up to—questions she’s already answered on phone calls with him this week, but she knows Nick probably just misses her. They text back and forth for a while. Julie is just about to silence her phone and go to sleep when it buzzes again. A text from an unfamiliar number.

What r u doing?

Julie responds: Who’s this?

Luke

She smiles and replies: i’m going to sleep.

There’s no way Flynn’s back is comfortable enough to sleep on. 

Julie looks around. How can he see her from behind the couch? It’s dark, but she finds him, still behind the couch but now lying down so his head is popping out from behind it. He smiles at her. She texts him back: Come hang out. Bring Reg and Alex. 

She puts her phone away and waits. But the boys don’t come. Instead, her phone buzzes again.

You into Reggie?

Julie smiles. Is he jealous? Had her little flirty Christmas act worked? That’s what he gets for not calling or texting her. She sends back the shrug emoji. 

A few minutes later, the three boys shuffle over to her, waking Flynn who turns over, annoyed. 

“What’s going on?” she asks, looking at them standing there. 

“Go back to sleep,” Julie says, now sitting because her pillow has shifted positions. “We’re just having a sleepover. All of us,” Julie says, emphasizing the word all. Flynn rolls her eyes and turns back over, again resting on Random Guy. Julie lies back, and the three boys lie down next to her—Luke next to her, Alex next to him, and Reggie next to Alex. Julie wonders if that was intentional. The boys shove their coats under their heads. Reggie and Alex already looked like Luke had woken them up and dragged them over, so they seem to fall asleep almost immediately. She’s looking at Luke lying on his back. He closes his eyes. She doesn’t care that they don’t talk. She likes that he’s there. But what does that mean? 

Julie closes her eyes, too, and tries to go to sleep. She’s starting to doze off when Flynn suddenly reaches back and pushes Julie off of her. 

“What the hell?” Julie asks, clearly annoyed.

“Sorry,” she mumbles almost inaudibly, “You were hurting my ribs.” She’s obviously sleeping or Flynn would never have done that, especially knowing she doesn’t have anything but wet clothes to use as a pillow. Julie lays on her back, and crosses her arms over her chest. The floor is cold and hard under her head. She’s so uncomfortable. 

“Hey,” Luke whispers. Julie opens her eyes and turns her head to face him. “Here,” he says, offering his coat to her to put under her head. 

“I can’t take that. You need it, too. I’m fine. But thank you,” she says.

“I don’t need it. Remember, I’ve gone on tour and slept in terrible places. This is nothing,” he says, smiling. And all Julie wants to do is stare at that smile all night. 

“How’d you guys go on tour but never recorded anything?” she asks. 

“Tour was just practice for the day we would record,” he shrugs. “Plus, when I say tour, I’m talking about borrowing a friend’s van and pulling out the seats, shoving our instruments in there, then sleeping on people’s couches after playing to an empty room at a church or dive bar in whatever city we could find gigs in.” He pauses. “Please take the coat.” 

“I’m not taking your pillow. I appreciate it, though.” Luke doesn’t know her, so he has no idea how stubborn she is. “Tour sounds like fun. Even if the rooms are empty, performing is performing. And there’s always the memories you make with your friends.” 

Luke’s suddenly looking at her like she’s the only person in the room, staring so intensely at her face, she starts to squirm. “What?” she asks. 

“I just feel like—like you get it,” he says, getting excited again, “I don’t think anyone else really does. Even Reggie and Alex. I mean, you’re right. Performing is performing. It doesn’t matter who’s in the room. Like when I’m on that stage, the music is all that matters, you know?” 

Julie smiles, still looking at him, in awe of his passion. “Yeah, I do know.” 

They’re both on their backs, each of their heads turned toward the other, neither of them speaking. But this time it’s less about having no idea what to say and more of a strange desire to savor the moment, in silence. 

“You said it was your first time performing since your mom died,” Luke says, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah…”

“What made you finally do it? I don’t know how you kept that inside, how you stopped doing something you are clearly meant to do,” Luke whispers. Julie hesitates to answer. “You don’t have to talk about it. Sorry.”

“No. It’s okay. Honestly, you did,” she says quietly.

“What?”

“You made me sing again. I saw you perform at that party, and it was like I could feel what you felt, like your passion was contagious. You reminded me of everything that I missed, everything I had before, everything I felt before. Kind of woke up a part of me I thought was just… gone.” 

He stares at her for a moment before speaking. “Jesus,” he says, turning away from her and looking up at the ceiling. “I think I could die happy now.” Julie giggles, and he turns back to her. “I mean it. You are like a human wrecking ball. Your voice, it’s incredible. It demands people’s attention. It’s a force to be reckoned with, Julie. And I can’t believe I played some part in getting you to use it again.”

Julie stops breathing. He said the exact same words her mom had said: her voice is a force to be reckoned with. Julie’s never been much for signs or believing in things that she can’t touch or see. But could this be a sign of some sort? She knows it’s completely irrational, but part of her feels like maybe her mom sent her Luke and the band—like wherever she is, she’s determined to get Julie back to music. 

“Are you okay?” Luke asks. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” she replies, the two making eye contact again. Luke suddenly moves his arm up, and pats his chest, the same way he’d patted the bathroom floor next to him, telling her to sit. This is when she should snuggle up to Flynn and forget that he’s next to her. She tells herself she has a boyfriend. Nick is waiting for her return to LA. But we’re not doing anything, she counters, arguing with herself internally. It isn’t like I'm kissing him—it’s just a comfortable spot to sleep, she thinks.  
She sits up and scoots over, and lays her head on his chest, her body fitting perfectly against his. She can hear his heartbeat against her ear and can feel it under her hand that’s resting flat against his chest in front of her. It seems fast, really fast, and she wonders if he can tell hers is faster than normal, too. 

He moves his arm that’s under her and wraps it around her body, so his hand rests on her side just above her hip. Both their tense bodies begin to relax, and everything just feels… right. Julie closes her eyes, acutely aware of Luke’s thumb moving back and forth along her side just below her ribcage. Eventually, his breathing slows, his chest rising and falling steadily, his heart rate slowed. His hand relaxes, and she knows he’s fallen asleep. It doesn’t take long before she falls asleep, too, her body pressed against the side of his, keeping her warm.


	7. Butterflies

"Julie, we're going. Some guys are outside shoveling the cars out. The roads have been cleared. Come on, get up," Flynn says, far from gently, arousing Julie from the comfort of her sleep. 

She pries her heavy eyes open, remembering where she is. Neither she nor Luke has moved all night, other than Julie's leg, which is now resting on top of Luke's legs. His arm suddenly falls from her side, as though the morning has brought to light just how close they are—and it’s too much. Or maybe it’s just Flynn standing there glaring at him. Julie isn’t sure. But she knows how it probably looks—and how it definitely feels—so she sits up, separating her body from his. He sits, too, but she avoids looking at him and instead addresses Flynn. 

“Yeah, okay,” Julie mumbles, standing. She glances over to Luke, who’s casually sitting with his knees pulled up, his arms wrapped around his legs, hands clasped together. He’s watching them. “Well, see ya, Luke. Hope you guys have a good Christmas,” Julie says, her eyes shifting to the boys next to him still sleeping. 

“Yeah, thanks. You, too,” he says. He looks like he’s going to say more, but Flynn isn’t waiting around to find out. 

“Let’s go,” she says, pulling Julie’s hand. Julie glances back one last time, but Luke’s just staring ahead at nothing. She finds herself desperately wanting to know what he’s thinking. 

The girls ride home in silence, Flynn tapping her thumb on the steering wheel. Julie can tell she’s deep in thought. But when she pulls into Julie’s driveway to drop her off, she still says nothing.

“Just say it,” Julie sighs, turning to Flynn.

“Say what?”

“Whatever it is that you have to say. Why you’re mad at me.”

“Julie, I have nothing else to say. You know exactly what I think. You’re a big girl, capable of thinking for yourself. You’re going to make your own decisions despite what I say, and you’ll just have to deal with the consequences. You have a boyfriend, and you’re having some sort of fling with some hunk lead singer of a band while you’re here for break. It just doesn’t seem like you. I don’t know. I’m not mad at you. I’m really not. I—I don’t know. There’s just literally nothing more for me to say,” Flynn spills. 

“I wouldn’t call it a fling…” Julie replies quietly, knowing it doesn’t matter what she says. There’s no denying the butterflies he gives her, or the way the hairs on her arms stand when he sings, or how she feels like he sees her, really sees her, when his eyes meet hers—even though they really don't know each other. At all. 

“Okay,” Flynn says. “I’ll just talk to you later, okay?” 

“Sure,” Julie replies. She grabs her pile of clothes and heads inside, just wanting to be alone. She lucks out when she finds a note from her dad letting her know that he and Carlos went to breakfast. Things between them are still rocky, though both of them keep pretending everything is fine. She doesn’t feel like making light conversation with a fake smile plastered on her face right now. 

She lies on her bed, staring up at the plastic stars on her ceiling. She wants to do the right thing. She really does. And she knows that means breaking up with Nick—not because of Luke but because Flynn was right about that, too—he deserves someone who gets butterflies when he’s around. Someone who becomes giddy in his presence. Someone who appreciates him for more than just the stability and companionship that he provides. She rolls onto her stomach, opens up her laptop, and Facetimes Nick. 

“Hey, Jules!” Nick answers, a huge grin on his face. 

“Hey,” she says, smiling in return. “Um, what are you wearing?” 

“Don’t ask,” he laughs. “I have that dance rehearsal this morning, remember?” 

“Oh, that’s right.”

“But I want to talk first. I still have a few minutes. I miss you,” he says, sitting down with his phone. 

Her heart can’t take it. “Yeah, I miss you, too.” 

“Only fourteen days til I get to see you. I was thinking since you won’t be here for New Years Eve we could do our own New Years Eve party once you’re back and just celebrate it a second time. What do you think?” 

He’s already making plans for when she’s back. Ugh. She wants to do the right thing, but there’s no way the right thing is breaking up with him via video chat six days before Christmas… right? 

“I think that sounds like fun,” she says, her stomach twisting, her guilt eating at her. “But maybe let’s not make any plans for it until I’m back.” 

“Sure, okay.”

“Okay, well, I’ll let you go. I just wanted to say good morning. Good luck today,” Julie says. 

“Thanks. Love you, Jules.” She might be sick. 

“I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, Nick,” she says and hangs up. She closes her computer and screams into her pillow. Why does this have to be so hard? 

She rolls back over onto her back and takes out her phone to call Flynn. She needs her best friend to help her through this break up. 

But when she looks at it, she has a text—from Luke:

Hey. U wanna come to band practice?


	8. Unsaid Emily

Julie sits on a plastic lawn chair in the boys’ garage watching The Phantoms practice. She’s promised herself that she'll keep her distance from Luke. They are amazing musicians, and she just wants to watch them, she’d said, trying to convince herself that it was okay to go. It’s just a band practice. 

And, sure, there’s that spike in her heart rate that has become the norm when she’s near him, but she’s doing great otherwise. She only looks at him when he’s looking away from her because she knows it’s those eyes that are the real problem—okay, and that smile. And the goofy bounce in his step. And of course his voice. And those muscles. Shoot. Maybe she isn’t doing fine. He only catches her checking him out once, and he winks at her. She rolls her eyes at him because she knows he’s used to getting this reaction from girls, and she doesn’t care to get the Lead Singer Luke response—even if it is totally hot.

Once they’ve gone through their songs and made some adjustments to things Luke took issue with, he grabs a notebook from on top of a toolbox sitting on the garage floor. Julie can immediately sense that excitement he exudes when he starts talking about music. 

“Okay, so, Julie, hear me out,” Luke says, walking toward her, that bounce in his step. He flips through the pages. “I have a song I’ve been working on. It’s called Bright. It’s perfect for your range, and just check out the chorus for a second—” He holds out the page so she can see it, and he sings to her:

“And rise through the night, you and I  
We will fight to shine together, bright forever”

Oh, no. The goosebumps. But she’s reading along, and the song is beautiful. She joins him in singing the chorus. When they get to the last line, he tells her to go high, they harmonize, and it’s absolute perfection. Luke chuckles, obviously excited about what Julie brings to the song. 

“This is awesome, Luke,” she says. 

And he bites that bottom lip. Damn him. “Thanks,” he says. “You make it better.” 

“Guys, that really was great. You wanna try it with instruments?” Reggie asks, interrupting a moment that shouldn’t be existing anyway. 

“Yeah! Sure! Julie?” Luke says, eyeing her expectantly. 

“Um, sure.” 

“Don’t be nervous. We’ll figure it out together. And maybe later, we can add a little bit of piano to it. I feel like that would sound amazing, I’m tellin’ you,” Luke says, heading over to his six string. His enthusiasm makes Julie smile. How can she say no to singing with the band when he’s like a kid in a candy store? 

They try different arrangements with Bright, their voices playing off one another. Julie’s so focused on writing music, she hardly even notices that feeling in the pit of her stomach—the one that keeps reminding her that she’s falling for Luke. 

Later, Luke sings her a melody he’s been considering for a song he is tentatively calling Edge of Great. Julie falls in love with it right away. She studies his notebook and makes suggestions after hearing what he has in mind. Once they’ve nailed down lyrics and harmonies, she starts singing it, the band comes in, and at one point she goes completely rogue, belting out notes she didn’t even know she could hit. When she looks at Luke, he’s staring at her, completely in awe. They get to the end, Alex cuts the drums, and the two of them sing the last few lines together, their faces only inches apart. She suddenly remembers that she needs to keep her distance. She breaks their eye contact and turns away from him. The four of them continue their jam session with Julie and Luke bouncing ideas off of each other, the four of them writing music on the spot, and Julie taking extra care to avoid Luke’s gaze. 

“Guys, it’s dark outside. When did it get dark outside?” Julie says after finally leaving the windowless garage to go to the bathroom.

“Well, I guess it is ten o’clock,” Reggie says. “The neighbors are probably not very happy with us.”

“What! I’ve been here all day! How have we been doing this all day?” Julie exclaims. She hadn’t even looked at her phone once since she got here around two. She takes it out and texts her dad, letting him know where she is, and notices Nick has sent her a bunch of pictures from his rehearsal. She shoves it back into her pocket. 

Alex laughs, “Listen, Luke’s probably loving it. He would do this all day every day if he could. But Reggie and I have lives, interests that lie outside of the band.” 

“It’s true. I would,” Luke shrugs, smiling. 

“Well, I think I’m going to go call Carrie,” Reggie says, winking at the guys. 

“Why?” Luke asks, grimacing.

“Because she gave me her number once you rejected her like an idiot. And she’s hot, and I don’t mind sloppy seconds,” Reggie says. 

Luke glances at Julie, who’s watching the entire interaction, curiosity consuming her. “Trust me, it won’t be sloppy seconds. It’ll be a first helping… or whatever works with this analogy,” Luke says to Reggie. 

Reggie puts his bass on it’s stand. “Either way, I’m heading in. Julie, it’s been a ton of fun, and we definitely need to do this again.” 

“I second that. Please come back and jam with us,” Alex says, putting his sticks down and standing.

No. No, no no. Please don’t leave us alone, Julie thinks. 

“Will do. Goodnight guys,” she says, her heart thudding against her ribcage. 

As soon as the guys leave, Julie looks at Luke, but he’s looking down at a page in his notebook. Is he pretending to be distracted or is he actually deep in thought? She wonders. 

“So, your house is pretty nice,” she says, trying to make casual conversation, even though she knows she should just leave. 

“What? Oh, yeah. Reggie’s uncle owns a bunch of rentals. He only makes us pay what he pays each month, so split between the three of us, it isn’t so bad. Just gotta deliver some pizzas here and there,” he says, looking back down at his notebook, writing something down. Does he want her to leave? Is he trying to politely hint at that?

“Okay, well, it’s been fun,” Julie says awkwardly. She starts toward the lawn chair to get her coat. 

“Yeah. Hey—um—actually, do you want to write something else? I mean, I’ve got a whole notebook full of tons of half done things, and I’m sure you’ve got ideas. Or we could practice one of the other ones again. Or—”

Julie laughs. “I have no idea how you can keep going. I just started singing again. I need to work up to being able to do full days of this. I can already tell my voice is going to be hoarse tomorrow.”

“Oh—”

“But,” she cuts him off, “If you want to sing the song you’ve got written down in there for some Emily girl, I would love to listen,” she says, trying to sound genuinely interested in hearing the song and not at all like she’s fishing for information about who Emily is—because it’s obviously none of her business and, of course, it doesn’t matter. 

“What?” he asks, his expression suddenly changing from happy-go-lucky Luke, excited about all things music, to...something else. Something that makes Julie regret saying anything.

“I saw it when you were flipping through the pages earlier… Sorry. Forget I mentioned it. I’ll just talk to you later?” she says, picking up her coat. She doesn’t know the story behind him and this girl, but it’s obviously a sensitive topic. She feels bad for bringing it up and just wants to get out of there now that she’s struck a nerve.

“No,” he says, reluctantly. “I’ll sing it.”

“Luke, you don’t have to. I shouldn’t have been so nosy.” 

“It’s fine. It’s actually—uh—it’s about my mom. I guess more so, to my mom,” Luke says, looking past Julie instead of at her.

“Oh…”

“She didn’t believe in me—in my dreams. She said I was wasting my time pursuing music. She never supported it, and when the whole thing with Bobby happened, we had a huge fight because she said it was a sign that I should get my act together and go to college,” he pauses. “I didn’t even tell her I was leaving. I just… walked out. Made plans with the guys, hopped on a plane, and got a new phone number. I haven’t talked to my parents in two years.”

“They don’t know where you are?” 

“I wrote her and my dad a letter when I got here. Told them I was alive,” he says, throwing his guitar back over his shoulder. “Anyway, this is Unsaid Emily.” 

Julie sits down in the lawn chair, her coat in her lap, and watches Luke as he starts strumming. He’s looking down at the guitar as he plays. Even when he isn’t watching his own fingers move over the strings, he’s staring at the ground. The sound of his voice nearly brings Julie to tears. She takes in the smoothness of it, noticing the breathiness at times. She closes her eyes and listens to the lyrics. 

“When things got loud  
One of us running out  
I should have turned around  
But I had too much pride…”

The moment almost seems too intimate, like she doesn’t belong in the room while he sings it. Her heart physically hurts listening to the pain in his voice. 

“If I could take us back  
If I could just do that  
And write in every empty space  
The words I love you in replace  
And every time would not erase me…”

She can hardly stand it. She has this urge to be close to him. To hug him. To tell him how sorry she is. To somehow take his pain from him. Julie doesn’t know what Luke’s relationship with his mom was like before their fight, but she can see that he loves her and he misses her, and he’s full of regret. And it’s ripping Julie apart because she knows about loss. 

He falls into several measures of only guitar, and when he starts singing again, this time softly, her ears perk up at the sound of the rasp in his voice—it’s hot. But she finally opens her eyes only to find that it’s his voice breaking—his eyes are filled with tears. He closes them as tears start to fall, and he starts belting the lyrics. 

When he’s finished, Julie’s standing in front of him, also crying. She doesn’t even know how she got there. He wipes his face quickly, “You didn’t see that,” he says, smiling at her.

She can’t even smile back. “Luke, I’m so sorry.” 

He shrugs. “It’s fine. Really,” he says, matching her gaze. 

“I want to hug you,” she says. She nearly throws her hand over her mouth. Did she say that out loud? 

He glances to the side. “Um, okay.” 

She slowly steps forward and hesitantly wraps her arms around his neck. She squeezes him as though the tighter the hug, the less he’ll hurt. She eventually feels Luke’s hands on her back, a touch so soft that she wonders if she’s mistaken. 

They stand there, holding each other for several minutes, Julie’s cheek pressed against him, before she finally goes to pull away. Her hands slide across his neck and through his hair as she drops them. But Luke doesn’t move his arms from around her, so her hands rest on his chest as he holds her there. She looks at him, his eyes dart back and forth between hers. 

Now. Now is the time she needs to tell him she has a boyfriend. But what if she’s misreading the moment? What if she makes an idiot of herself by randomly blurting that she’s dating someone when he isn’t actually making some sort of move? What if everything she senses between them really is just the music for him?

Or worse, what if she tells him, and he really does feel what she feels, and her having a boyfriend scares him off entirely? Even if she knows nothing can happen between them, she really enjoyed singing with the band tonight. And is it really that terrible that she enjoys being around him? Singing with him? She doesn’t want him to decide not to talk to her anymore—as irrational as that fear might be. 

She steps back again, moving away from him as his arms fall to his sides. No, there’s no point in telling him about Nick. She’s planning on breaking up with him soon. And it isn’t like she’s going to kiss Luke. She’s doing nothing wrong, she tells herself. She just needs to keep things platonic. 

“Sorry I made you cry,” Luke says, allowing the moment to pass, which Julie is grateful for. 

“Oh my God. Please don’t apologize for that. Thank you for singing it to me,” Julie replies, finally lifting her eyes to look at him. His eyes are red and swollen. “And, again, I’m sorry I brought it up.” 

“It’s probably better that you did. I’ve never sang it to anyone before. It was like therapy,” he laughs. 

Julie smiles softly at him. She nods. “Okay, well, now that our session is over, I’m going to get going,” she says, internally rolling her eyes at her awful joke. "Are you going to be okay?" She asks as she turns to grab her coat again. 

“Yeah, I'm fine. But, hey, thanks, you know, for singing with us,” he says stepping toward her, causing her to back up. 

“Sure. It was fun. Bye, Luke,” Julie smiles at him one last time and throws her coat on as she leaves the garage. Once she’s outside, she realizes she’s sweating and takes her coat back off. Ugh. The effect that boy has on her. 

Julie drives home, the songs from today stuck in her head. She can’t stop thinking about how incredible they’d sounded. Their voices, in unison, somehow seem to fuse the two of them together like two ends of a broken rope. In a way, Julie realizes, they are both broken. And she already knows that he’s played a role in putting her back together, bringing her back to life—with music. But when she’s singing with him, it isn’t just their voices that are in perfect harmony. It actually feels like the world around her is exactly as it should be. 

Lyrics spring to Julie’s head. She repeats them over and over so she doesn’t forget them. She wants to write them down and put them in her box. But then it occurs to her that she’s making music again. Maybe she doesn’t have to put them in her box. She could actually write a song. 

As soon as she gets home, she sprints up the steps to her room. She immediately starts figuring out the piano accompaniment. It isn’t exactly right, but it doesn’t have to be. She pours out her feelings onto paper before texting Nick to apologize and explain that she got busy singing with a band she met. She tells him she’ll call him tomorrow to explain everything. There is, of course, no reason that she shouldn’t share what she’s been up to as long as they're dating. She can't keep avoiding him. 

Julie’s completely exhausted. She silences her phone and closes her eyes, drifting off to sleep almost immediately—missing the video that Luke has sent to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally adding some notes:  
> first off, in the show, the moments after Luke sings Bright with Julie in her kitchen and she tells him thanks are my absolute FAVORITE. Luke bites that bottom lip and nods and smiles, and BAM, i'm in love. (w/e. i was already in love obv once he started singing in the first minute of the show, but you know). but anyway, that's why the lip biting had to be a thing. 
> 
> second, i LOVE reading the comments (keep leaving them!), and I love the conversations happening between you all! just keep in mind, julie is human. she's confused by the feelings she has for someone she hardly knows but who has also already played a MAJOR role in her life by inspiring her to sing again. and the feelings are new to her. before coming home for winter break, she thought she was perfectly happy with Nick, and it can't be easy to reconcile that. she wants to do the right thing by everyone but is also afraid of someone getting hurt or that she'll lose someone else—especially when that someone feels so important to her because of their connection with music. 
> 
> also, these characters are doing what they want, guys. im not in control anymore.
> 
> Last, please excuse typos and sentences that make no sense. im either attempting to write while taking care of two toddlers or writing and posting in the middle of the night (like the last 4 or 5 nights... and now) when I'm half asleep. and ive been typing so much the last few nights, my shift key broke today!
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'm excited about what's coming up :)


	9. Perfect Harmony

Julie can’t stop watching it. Alex had recorded her and Luke singing together in the garage. When Julie had woken up to the video, she’d almost pinched herself just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. How is it possible for chemistry to be that visible? It’s more than chemistry, really—like it’s almost tangible. She leans over and jots down more lyrics on the pad of paper she’d left beside the bed. She’ll work on that later. 

Julie heads downstairs where her dad is making breakfast in the kitchen. 

“Morning, Jules,” he says, flashing her a smile. 

“Good morning. What are you making?” she asks, joining him. If her love life is going to be a mess, she feels like she should at least try to repair the damage with her dad. 

“Pancakes. You want anything special in them? I think I have some chocolate chips here somewhere.” 

“Oh, sure, chocolate chips sound good,” Julie replies, “So, listen, Dad, I’ve been thinking. I’m not thrilled with the idea, but you should invite Tessa over for Christmas. I mean, if you want to.”

Ray pauses and looks at her. “Really? Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. I mean, you should get to be happy. If she's what makes you happy then there’s no reason I should keep you two apart. Life’s short. Love is hard enough to find,” she shrugs, casually, even though really, she wonders if she’s actually trying to convince herself of something. 

“Julie, that’s a really grown up thing to say.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t feel so grown up these days,” she sighs. 

“Something you want to talk about? I mean, we haven’t been talking much, but I’ve been dying to tell you I’ve heard you singing in your room, and it’s a sound I’ve missed so much. Your mom would be so happy to know you’re back at it.”

Julie feels the tears building. “I know, she would,” she says, “But no, I don’t think I want to talk about anything. At least not right now. It’s just boy stuff anyway. It’ll all be fine,” she says, more for herself than for her dad. 

“Okay, well, I know I’m Dad, and talking boys to me is probably weird. It’s weird for me, too. But I’m here if you need me. Always.” 

“Thanks,” she says. He squeezes her for a second before going back to cooking. 

After breakfast, Julie spends the day working on her song. She’s decided to call it Perfect Harmony. She somehow gets so wrapped up in writing that she doesn’t even think about the fact that Luke hasn’t texted. Music—even a love song rooted in the confusing feelings she’s developing for him—is literally the only thing that could probably distract her from it. 

When Flynn comes over later for a girls night of watching movies and eating pizza in her bed, neither of them talks about the elephant in the room. Julie really wants to show Flynn what she’s been working on, but she knows how Flynn will respond. Julie wants to scream at her that she should be more supportive. That she’s her best friend. She should be figuring this out with her. That she’s the one making out with random guys at parties but is giving Julie crap about her situation. But she knows that isn’t the same. Flynn doesn’t have a boyfriend. She doesn’t have to fight with her feelings. She can act on them. And, really, Flynn isn’t NOT being supportive. She’s just being pragmatic. Julie’s leaving soon. Flynn doesn’t want to see her get hurt or mess up her life for no reason. Julie gets that. It’s just hard to feel judged and like she can’t talk to her best friend about something that feels so big right now. 

Julie keeps checking her phone all night. And the next day after Flynn leaves. She knows she could text him. But she shouldn’t. 

So she doesn’t. 

Instead, she calls Nick.

“Hey, Jules,” Nick greets her. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Just hanging outside on the balcony with these guys,” he says, shifting his phone so it faces some of our friends back in LA. Julie waves to them. Nick’s apartment is huge. Julie lives very comfortably, especially now that her family moved to Ohio where the cost of living is significantly lower, but Nick’s family is loaded. One thing she likes about Nick, though, is that he doesn’t act like it. He doesn’t splurge on things he doesn’t need. He doesn’t flaunt it. And they actually spend most of their time at Julie’s place, which doesn’t even begin to compare to his apartment. 

“Oh my gosh, hanging out in the sunshine on that balcony looks amazing,” Julie says, turning her computer to face the window. “It’s snowing like crazy here.” 

“You want me to go inside and hide in the bathroom while I talk to you, you know, so I’m not rubbing it in?” Nick laughs. 

“No. That’s okay. So, I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. I know we haven’t really talked.”

“It’s okay. I’ve been really busy, too. But I got your texts a couple nights ago. You’ve been singing? That’s incredible, Jules!” 

“Yeah, I met some guys in a band a couple of weeks ago. They’re really, really good. They invited me to their practice. I’ve been hanging out with them and writing songs, and it’s just been... really great.”

“I’m so happy for you. And I honestly can’t wait to finally hear it. But not on video. I want it in person. Not much longer,” he says, grinning ear to ear, his puppy-dog eyes boring into her through the screen.

Julie smiles, “Yeah…” The guilt is too much for her. “Nick, listen, can you maybe go inside? I need to talk to you about—”

“Shit. Jules, can I call you back?” Nick cuts her off, jumping up from his seat. “Oh my God. Are you okay?” she hears him say before he ends the call. 

Julie throws her face into her pillow. Ugh. 

The rest of the day passes with no return call from Nick and no texts from Luke. Julie accepts that today will probably not be Break Up Day, even though she’d tried, and that her feelings for Luke are probably one-sided, which is good. Of course. Obviously. She leaves her phone on her desk so she’ll stop looking at it. She watches TV with her dad, kicks her brother’s butt in a not-so-friendly game of checkers, then dives back into her song. 

The next day, she empties her box filled with dozens of notes and phrases she’s written to herself. Some are from right after her mom died. Others are from when she’d gotten into arguments with her dad or Flynn. Some are about crushes she’d developed in high school or even about missing Los Angeles after they'd moved here. Reading them makes her smile, just being able to see how far she’s come. At one point she really had been in a really dark place. 

She pulls out a notebook and starts copying down the ones that she thinks could be used in songs. She comes across one that makes her take pause: Life can be so mean. She doesn’t remember writing that and has no idea what time in her life it refers to, but she feels it deeply now—between her mom being gone, how difficult it is to see her dad with someone else, being unable to talk to her best friend about girl stuff, how hard it is to do what’s right, to have feelings for someone she doesn’t even know but feels so connected to and to know she’s leaving so it doesn’t matter anyway, and his relationship with his mom, his friend stealing his future. Life really can be so mean. 

The next day, Julie’s sitting on her bed, her keyboard in front of her. She has most of the song written, she thinks, but it’s still not right. She starts playing it again, loudly singing, her eyes closed because it’s become muscle memory at this point, trying not to see Luke behind her closed lids. 

But when she opens her eyes, he’s standing in the doorway, in person. She freezes.

“Um, hi,” she says, nervously. 

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?”

Luke shrugs. “Your dad let me in. I came to see if you wanted to grab food or something.”

“Oh. You could have texted.”

“I did,” he says, smiling at her. Julie realizes she hasn’t looked at her phone. It’s still on her desk from yesterday. 

“How’d you know where I live?” That’s weird.

“I might have had Alex text Willie who then texted Flynn. She probably wasn’t happy because she seems to hate me for some reason, but you weren’t answering. Desperate times.” 

“Or you were being impatient.”

“I texted you like four hours ago. A guy can only be so patient.” Julie can’t help but to laugh. “Cool song,” he says, still smiling at her. “I can’t believe you’re writing without me.” He walks toward her, his hands in his pockets. 

“Ha. You say that as though you don’t write without me.” 

“Not anymore. Nope. You make everything better. So from now on, I’m only writing with you,” he says, sitting on the bed next to her. She laughs, once again feeling nervous, now because he's so close to her.

“Okay, but I’m leaving soon, remember? So waiting for me to write might not be the best idea for your music career.” 

Luke’s smile falls, “Right. I know. I was kidding. Mostly,” he says, looking down at her keyboard. “So can you play your song again?”

“Um, sure,” Julie replies, suddenly feeling very bashful. Will he listen to the lyrics and know she’s been thinking about him while writing it? “But I think my vision for it is actually with a guitar. It just feels… off. I don’t know. It’s not finished. I feel like I need something different at the beginning, but I think I have some parts down pretty tight.” She can’t stand the way he’s staring at her, grinning. She needs to look away, so she shifts her eyes to her keyboard and just starts playing the parts she feels confident in. 

“Okay, cool. Play it again. But don’t sing this time," he says when she finishes. 

“Okay…” She plays, and she notices he starts bobbing his head, staring down at the comforter. She can tell he’s writing in his head. It’s the same look he had when they wrote together nights ago. So she keeps playing, her lips curling up in a small smile as she watches him. Then he starts singing, looking directly at her as she plays. 

“Step into my world  
Bittersweet love story 'bout a girl  
Shook me to the core  
Voice like an angel  
I've never heard before”

And Julie can’t help it. She doesn’t break eye contact as she follows it up, singing what she’s been working on. It’s rough and she’s not sure she likes it or that it even makes sense, but she doesn’t care. She plays and the two of them just start throwing lyrics out there. It doesn’t flow smoothly at first, but when she finally starts singing the chorus, he joins her in singing whatever he can remember from when she sang it before. 

“In perfect harmony  
Whoa-oa-oa, whoa-oa-oa”

They sing in unison. Julie’s heart is beating so fast, and she has to look away when she sings some of the lines she’d written the last few days. 

“You and me together is more than chemistry,” she sings, staring at her fingers moving gracefully over the keys. She really hopes he doesn’t notice the part about pretending to be friends. 

He’s grinning as their voices sing the final note together.

“I think you should join the band,” he suddenly says to her.

“What?”

“You are the most talented musician and songwriter I’ve ever met. You make the band better. You make me better…” 

“Luke, I don’t live here, remember?”

“I know. But maybe we write over video calls or something, and you obviously have a keyboard. You can practice there, and the guys and I will practice here. It isn’t ideal, but when you visit again, we can record,” he says, like he’s been thinking about this.

“I have school. I’d just be holding you guys back. You don’t need me. And I don’t know when I’ll be back. I mean, maybe spring break, but maybe not. I might be doing a summer internship back in California. I just can’t commit to a band. I’m sorry.” 

“I get it. Okay,” he says standing, “But the offer always stands. I mean, doesn’t Julie and The Phantoms sound pretty badass?”

She smiles, it does have a nice ring to it. And it all sounds amazing, but she just doesn’t know how she’d make it work. She doesn’t want to promise something and let them down. They’ve already experienced too much disappointment. 

“So, you’re hungry, huh?” She asks, getting up from her bed.

“Yes. always. And I want a milkshake.”

“It’s freezing outside, and you want a milkshake?” 

“The cold doesn’t bother me. Actually, there’s tons of snow outside, and we should go sled riding,” he says, making a total 180. His energy never ceases to amaze Julie. 

“What?”

“Yeah, that’s what we’re doing,” he says, looking around the room.

“What are you looking for?”

“I don’t know. Something warm to dress you in?” he says, heading over to her closet like it’s his own bedroom. But something catches his eye near her bed. “Hey, Julie, what’s in the box?”

“Oh. Nothing. Just stuff.” 

“Girl stuff?”

“Sure.”

“What’s that mean, exactly? Nevermind. I don’t want to know,” he says. He starts to walk away. “Actually, no. I need to know. What’s in the box?”

Julie laughs. “It’s just stuff I’ve written down over the years when I couldn’t bring myself to write music. Random thoughts. Dreams. I don’t know. I just went through them, though. I think I can write another song with a lot of it.” Luke smiles at her. “Come on, my warm stuff is downstairs. But I really don’t know if I have anything warm enough for sled riding. And we don’t have sleds.”

“Or do we?” He winks at her. “Text Flynn. I’m calling the guys.”


	10. Say No To Green Stuff

The group marches through the woods, the snow crunching under their feet. Flynn was excited to get to ask Random Guy to come with her, despite not being happy about the fact that Julie seems to be taking things further with Luke by hanging out with him outside of parties. Apparently Random Guy’s name is Trevor, and he lives in a dorm near hers. She met him when she was grabbing lunch one day during the semester. Then she saw him again at that party, and they completely hit it off. Julie’s happy that Flynn seems happy. But she wishes it would be reciprocated—unconditionally. 

Reggie had shown up with a ton of sleds in his trunk. They carry them down a trail in search of a hill Luke has heard about. The sunlight is fading fast, which doesn’t say much because snowy winter days in Ohio don’t bring much sunlight anyway. They know when they find the hill because it’s massive and steep, and it’s already packed down, like people were riding on it today, which means it'll be super slick.

“This is awesome!” Luke exclaims. 

“Sure. Until you have to climb back up,” Flynn replies.

“Or until you die,” Alex says, clearly nervous about how fast people have got to get going on this thing. 

“Oh my gosh. Party poopers! Who’s going with me?” Luke asks, starting to lay his sled down at the top and climbing on. 

“I will!” Reggie says, hopping on his own sled next to Luke. “If we die, I love you, man,” Reggie says. Luke puts two fingers on his lips and kisses them, then places them on Reggie's lips.

“Please don’t say that,” Alex groans. 

Even Flynn can’t refrain from laughing at these fools. 

“One, two, three, go!” Luke yells as they push off. The two boys are screaming, but from the top, it actually doesn’t look that bad. 

“Okay. You want to go next?” Flynn asks Trevor. 

“Yeah, sure, let’s do it.”

They place their sleds next to each other and take off. Almost immediately, Flynn’s sled runs into Trevors, and she goes flying off. Trevor is going too fast and keeps heading down the hill as Flynn's body rolls several yards before coming to a stop. 

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Alex asks, walking sideways down the hill, trying to keep his balance. “I knew this was a bad idea.” 

Julie’s standing at the top of the hill, worried. “Flynn?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I might hate sled riding, though,” she replies, taking Alex’s hand and using it to pull herself up. The two of them climb the hill, Flynn’s snow pants now covered in snow, and they sit down next to each other. They’re here more for the hang out than the actual sled riding. Luke and Reggie eventually reach the top of the hill. 

“What happened?” Luke asks, glancing over at Flynn rubbing her arm.

“She wrecked, and now she doesn’t want to sled ride. And the crash was Alex’s last straw. He’s not sledding either.” 

“Oh, come on, guys!” Luke shouts over to them. “It was fun! A little horrifying, sure. But fun!” 

“No, thank you,” Flynn says flatly. Luke sighs. 

“Well, are you gonna go?” 

Julie shrugs, “Yeah, I guess so. I always imagined it’d be the Ohio winter that killed me anyway.” 

Luke chuckles. “You’ll be fine. Come on.” He sits down and pats the seat in front of him on his sled, indicating she should sit down. Oh, boy. She’s hesitating. “Come on,” he repeats. “I’ll use my muscles to keep you safe from the winter… and the hard ground if we crash,” he says, holding up his arms and flexing. He’s joking, but Julie’s picturing those muscles under his heavy winter jacket, and he clearly doesn’t understand what the effect he has on her. Or maybe he does. He flashes her a smile. 

She sits down in front of him, her back pressed against his front. He wraps his legs around her because there’s nowhere else to put them. Then his arms make their way around her. She doesn’t know where to put her own arms. With how they’re positioned, there’s no way to hold onto the sled. 

“Okay, Reg, turn us around to face you.”

“What?” Julie gasps. “You’re making me go down backwards on my first ride?”

“Yeah, why not?” 

“Um, because it already looks terrifying.”

“Yeah, but you have my muscles to protect you, remember?” he says, squeezing tighter. 

“Oh my God. You are ridiculous.” 

He laughs, “Yeah. I know.” 

Reggie spins them around, “Okay. one, two, three—here you go!” And he pushes them down the hill—backwards. The two of them are both screaming. Julie instinctively reaches up and holds onto Luke’s arms that are around her. He’s holding her tighter as their speed picks up. Julie can hardly breathe. She's completely petrified, but it’s also exhilarating. The speed. The wind. Luke’s arms around her. Behind her, he moves his body forward, his chin resting on her shoulder. She can feel the heat from his breath on her cheek. Her own breath catches knowing that if she turned her head toward him right now, their lips could very easily meet in the most epic kiss ever—sled riding down a hill, adrenaline pumping through their veins.

But she doesn’t. Because she can’t. Because it’s wrong on so many levels. 

Plus, who knows how he feels? 

When the sled finally slows at the bottom of the hill, Luke unwraps himself from her, puts his legs out, and stops the sled. 

“That was… just wow…” Julie says, smiling, as she climbs out of the sled. 

“Yeah,” he says. It’s all he says as he climbs out. 

“You okay?” she asks him, despite being afraid of the answer. 

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. That was super cool,” he says, visibly making an effort to change his demeanor, “See, I told you backwards was a good idea.” He smiles. 

“You were right,” Julie replies, as they start trudging up the steep hill. It’s a long walk, and Julie isn’t used to wearing all these heavy clothes, especially not while hiking uphill. 

“You’re sweating,” Luke says when they’re halfway up.

“So? You are, too. And whatever, I don’t sweat. I glisten,” she says, trying to channel her inner Flynn, attempting to flip her hair even though it’s wet and flattened under a hat.

“Oh. Okay,” he says, “You remember you peed with me in the room, right? Like, that’s way worse than sweating.” 

“Ugh. We’re not ever supposed to talk about that! And I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Sweating and peeing are both normal bodily functions, and I don’t want to be in this conversation anymore,” she laughs. 

“Okay, okay.”

“So, I’ve been thinking…” Julie says reluctantly, trying to catch her breath as she continues to hike nearly ninety degrees uphill. 

“Okay. About?”

She sighs. “Something that isn’t any of my business, so I’m hesitant to say it.”

He looks over at her, “Okay.” She bites her cheek, unsure whether or not she should continue. “Just say it,” he finally says.

“I think you should call your mom. Maybe even go home for Christmas.”

“What? Julie, she doesn’t want me there. She wants a son who wants to do the things she expects of him.”

“Luke, your song was so incredibly beautiful—but also heart-wrenching. You have so much you want to say to her but are choosing not to. I’m just saying… what if something were to happen and you didn’t have the chance anymore?” she says quietly. She thinks about what she’d give to be able to talk to her own mom. “You two had a fight. It doesn’t mean it has to be permanent. For all you know, she could be sitting at home, regretting everything she ever said to you, feeling the loss of her son. I just feel like you should at least consider trying.” Luke doesn’t say anything. At the top of the hill, Julie apologizes before giving him space. 

She goes over to Reggie, and the two of them decide to sled ride down the hill. She hops on his shoulders, knowing she’ll probably die, but they’re having fun. She glances to Luke who eventually seems to be snapping out of the funk she’d put him in. He joins them, pushing Reggie and Julie down the hill. She immediately flies off and the two of them fly off the sled. They’re both laughing too hard to stand when Alex and Luke come down to help them. 

“I seriously hate this. Can we please go?” Alex asks, his face full of worry. They all agree, as they head to grab milkshakes. 

They’re all outside of the Frosty Shake Shack. Julie hates the milkshake she got. She’d decided to try something new. It’s supposed to taste like key lime pie, but it tastes more like grass with a hint of sugar—if she had to guess what that tastes like anyway. Luke sits next to her, noticing her scrunched face. 

“You don’t like it?”

“Try it.” He sips and scrunches his face, too. 

“That’s...disgusting,” he laughs. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that about a milkshake. But you should have known not to order something green from the menu. Green stuff is bad stuff.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

He shrugs. “I guess I don’t like vegetables.”

“This is a milkshake. Not a vegetable,” Julie says, unable to comprehend half of what this guy says. 

“Yeah, well, if you followed my logic, you wouldn’t be sitting there scrunching your face trying to suck down a disgusting milkshake.”

“But what logic? I hear no logic coming from your mouth,” Julie replies, laughing.

He shrugs. “Here,” he says, taking her straw out of her milkshake, licking it clean, and putting it into the straw hole in his. “I’ll share because I’m nice.” 

And she melts. He’s just too cute.


	11. Our Best Days Are Yet Unknown

Julie wakes up after sleeping at Flynn’s house following milkshakes. Flynn’s staring at her. 

“Why are you looking at me?” Julie asks, rubbing her eyes.

“Because I suck,” Flynn says. 

“What?”

“I’m sorry, girl. I’ve been an awful friend,” she whines.

“No. You haven’t. Really,” Julie replies.

“I saw you last night, Jules, and you like him, and you seem really happy. I want you to be happy. I’m so worried you’re going to end up back in LA, wallowing over some guy who left you heartbroken in Ohio, but I also don’t want you going home wondering what could have been, you know? Have you broken up with Nick yet, or what?”

Julie sighs. “I tried. I mean, I could have probably tried harder, but I tried. He hung up on me just as I was about to, and I haven’t talked to him since. I’m not cheating on him, though. I swear. And, anyway, Luke hasn’t even made a move, which is good because I have a boyfriend. But he probably isn’t even interested.” 

“Oh. He’s interested,” she says matter-of-factly. Julie laughs.

“You don’t even know him. You can’t know that.”

“Mm, but I know guys,” she nods. 

Julie looks up at Flynn’s ceiling. “It doesn’t matter. Like you said, I’m leaving in like, what, eight days or something.” 

“So you have eight days to figure things out,” she says. 

Julie wishes she was as level-headed, calm, and confident as Flynn. Instead, she’s just plain confused.

Julie comes home from Flynn’s that evening. Her dad and brother are downstairs watching TV. Neither of them even says hi to her. Julie heads upstairs after putting all of her winter clothes away. When she gets to the top of the steps, the entire hallway has a thin strip of walking space down the center. The sides are lined with fake cotton snow and ceramic buildings—a town with townspeople, just like her mom used to set up. Some are familiar while others she’s never seen before. Julie smiles at the lights shining from the town’s winter festival and the little ice skaters on the rink. Those have always been her favorite. 

“Dad! I didn’t know you were setting this up!” She shouts down the steps. She suddenly hears something in her room. She inches her way there and looks around the corner. Luke is standing there, his hands in the pockets of his swim trunks, wearing a tee shirt with the sleeves cut off, of course, and sunglasses. The bed has a kiddie pool on it filled with sand. There’s a paper cut out of a sun in the corner of the room, taped to her ceiling. There are palm trees all over made out painted pool noodles and construction paper forming the bark and leaves. Lights are strung all around the room. In the corner of the room there’s a half-deflated lawn snowman, and snow globes that used to be stored in the basement now sit on the book shelves. The best part is the green Easter grass all over the floor. He smiles at her and pushes his sunglasses up on his head when she walks in. 

“What is this?”

“Merry Christmas!” He laughs, “Well, I know it’s a couple of days early, but I figured you’d be with your family on Christmas day, so…” She smiles at him, still looking around in disbelief. “I thought I’d try to bring an LA Christmas to Ohio for you.”

“Oh my—” Julie is completely speechless.

“Sorry about the Easter grass. I assigned Reggie the job of getting grass. He ordered it online. This is what came.” He says, smiling. “I don't really know what I was expecting, but—anyway, we tried.”

“I just—Luke, I don’t know what to even say. Thank you,” she says, finally making eye contact with him. 

He smiles and nods. “You’re welcome,” he says, meeting her eyes for only a moment before bouncing over to the bed. “I also got you something else.” He picks up something wrapped in newspaper. “Sorry. I didn’t have wrapping paper. I almost used paper towels. I don’t know which is worse.” Julie laughs and takes it from him. She pulls back the newspaper to find a new snow globe. She examines it closer. He’s had it engraved: “Our Best Days Are Yet Unknown”, a lyric they’d written together for Edge of Great. Julie shakes it and snow falls on top of the little piano sitting inside. She doesn’t know if she should laugh or cry. Maybe both. She's so overwhelmed with so many feelings. She looks at Luke.

“I—I didn’t get you anything…” she stammers.

He shrugs, “I wouldn’t have expected you to. Honestly, every time you sing it’s like Christmas. You singing with the band all day was enough of a present for me,” he says with a goofy, nervous smile. 

She slaps his arm. “You’re making jokes, but I’m serious. I feel bad.” 

He laughs. “I’m not really making jokes, though, Julie,” he says, stepping closer. “I know we hardly know each other, but—”

“Hey, Jules,” Julie hears behind her. She whips her head around to find Nick, standing in the doorway, a perfectly wrapped present in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me, guys. It was all them. Not me.


	12. I'm Not That Girl

Nick looks back and forth between Julie and Luke, who have little space between them. His puppy-dog eyes scan the room, which looks like a party store exploded in it. 

“Um,” he smiles, “What’s going on in here?” 

Julie glances back to Luke, who’s looking at Nick, obviously confused. She’s completely frozen, her stomach in knots. Nick steps toward them, holding out his hand to shake Luke’s. 

"Hey, man. Nick, Julie's boyfriend," he says cordially. Because that's Nick. 

Luke sticks out his hand, but it seems like a natural reaction, almost robotic, like he isn't actually present. Then he finally meets Julie's gaze. 

“Oh. You—uh—have a....boyfriend…” It isn’t a question. Though it isn’t really a statement either. It’s like he’s talking out loud to himself, trying to connect the dots, trying to solve some great mystery—had she given him clues? Had there been hints dropped along the way like bread crumbs he was supposed to follow in order to know the truth? Why hadn’t she told him? Or had he been imagining everything between them? Julie can see the gears turning in his head. 

“Yeah… I do…” She practically whispers. And why is he here? She wonders. 

Luke takes a step back from Julie. “Okay, then,” he says, clapping his hands together and forcing a smile onto his face, “It was nice to meet you. Both of you. I hope you two have a great Christmas,” he says before turning and heading out the door. 

It was nice to meet her? That definitely sounded like a final goodbye, she thinks. But she isn’t ready for a final goodbye. She feels like she was just getting to know him. She wants to yell and tell him to stop—to tell him to stay. 

But Nick is standing there in front of her. She can’t bring herself to chase after Luke and leave Nick here, completely devastated, even if she knows their end is inevitable. She finally turns to Nick. He’s staring at her, half-smiling, looking confused. 

“What are you doing here?” she asks, trying her best to sound happy, though she knows she's failing miserably.

“I know how much you were dreading coming home for Christmas and that the weather was getting you down, so I thought maybe I’d surprise you and spend the holidays here before we have to head back for school,” he says, pulling her into a hug. His arms are around her, but she feels...empty. Cold, even. This isn’t right—nothing like when she was curled up against Luke when they got snowed in at the party. Guilt washes over her. 

“That was really… sweet,” she replies, softly pulling away. 

“So… what was going on in here? I mean, what is all this,” he asks, gesturing around the room, “And who was that guy?” 

“That was—um—Luke, one of the band members I told you about. And he set up a ‘Christmas in LA’ in here…” she tells him. 

“That was...nice of him...” Nicks says, his brow furrowed. 

“Yeah, listen, can we sit and talk?” she asks, walking over to the bed. She sets down the snow globe and tries to push the kiddie pool over, but it’s too heavy. So, she sits on the floor and leans against the side of the bed. Nick follows suit. Julie can tell he knows what’s happening. She feels sick. But she’s avoided this conversation for too long. 

“Okay, what’s up?” he asks once he’s sitting next to her. 

“I just—I want to say thank you, for coming here, trying to surprise me—for trying to make my Christmas better. It’s just…” Julie’s voice breaks as she feels the tears spring to her eyes. 

“It’s just that you want to break up?” Nick says for her. 

She nods.

“Jules, why? Because of that Luke guy? You’ve known him for, what? A couple of weeks?” 

“No. I mean, maybe. I don’t know, no,” Julie sighs and grabs his hand in hers, “Nick, you deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love her. Someone who knows, one hundred percent, that she wants to be with you—that she can’t possibly be without you. Someone who gets you in every single way—even without you saying anything at all. Someone who makes you stop breathing just by entering the room. And I am SO sorry. I’m just… not that girl... You have been a wonderful boyfriend. You are actually the definition of perfect—just not perfect for me. Please don’t hate me.” The words pour from Julie as she struggles to choke back her tears. She looks up from Nick’s hand in hers to find him staring at his feet in front of him, his jaw clenched, his eyes glossed over. 

Neither of them speak for what feels like an eternity to Julie. 

“Jules, you do make me stop breathing when you walk in the room,” he finally says, turning to her. “And maybe you don’t feel the same way about me, but I haven’t gone a single day this past year where I didn’t think ‘Oh my God, how did I get this lucky?’ You make me happy. So happy. But—” he pauses, and Julie knows he’s trying to hold himself together, something she's unable to do at this point as she sits there crying. “But you’re right. I should be with someone who feels the same way. I should be with someone who wants to be with me. And if that isn't you, then, yeah, this is over." He looks at her, pulling his hand away. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. And I’d really like to be friends again one day. But that’s honestly going to be too hard for me right now.”

“Nick, I would love to be friends, whenever you’re ready. But I don’t blame you if you decide you never want to talk to me again. I feel so horrible.” 

Nick nods and stands. He hands her the present in his hands. 

“I can’t take that,” she says to him, shocked he would even try to hand her a present at this moment. 

“Take it. It’s not exactly something I can return,” he shrugs. She reluctantly grabs it from him, her hands shaking. 

“I know it’s awkward, but do you need to stay here? You are really more than welcome. I mean, you came all the way here...”

“No, I’ll figure it out. Thanks,” he says heading for the door. He turns around to face her just as he enters the hallway. “Bye, Jules.” 

The few tears she’d managed to keep at bay come spilling out. “Bye, Nick.” 

And he’s gone. 

Julie wipes her eyes and sits back down on the floor with his gift. She doesn’t feel right even opening it. Actually, she feels like throwing up. How is it possible that tonight turned out this awful? 

Julie tears open the present, slowly pulling back the wrapping paper. She immediately starts sobbing and hugs it against her chest. Nick had commissioned an oil painting of her favorite photo of her and her mom. She’s wrecked. 

She lies on her floor crying until she feels like there are simply no tears left. It might have been minutes. It might have been hours. She goes downstairs to find her dad sitting in the living room in complete silence. He’s leaning forward on the couch, his forearms resting on his thighs, his foot bouncing. 

“Are you okay?” she asks him, her voice cracking. He jolts upright. 

“Yes. I wanted to ask you the same thing. I’m sorry, Jules," he says, nearly in a panic. "I didn’t know what was going on. Luke stopped by days ago and asked if he could set some things up. I didn’t think it was a problem. I wasn’t sure. Then you two were upstairs and Nick showed up, and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to turn him away. That seemed rude. I saw both of them leave, neither looked happy. I’ve just been down here waiting. Are you okay?” Julie inhales a shaky breath. 

“Yeah. I mean, no. Not really. But I brought it on myself.”

“Julie, sometimes life throws things at us that we don’t know how to deal with. Don’t punish yourself for trying to navigate something unfamiliar in the best way you knew how.” 

“You say that like you know what’s going on…” Julie says. 

Ray sighs. “Well, Flynn might have mentioned something.” 

“When did you talk to Flynn?”

“I don’t know. Earlier this week.” He pauses briefly. “Okay, we might have a little deal where she tells me when she’s worried about you.”

“What! Dad, that is so invasive!”

“Maybe, but I was worried about you after your mom died, and she was looking out for you at school once we moved here and the two of you became friends. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. And this time, she was worried.” Julie sighs. She can’t even be mad at them. Even if she wanted to, she doesn’t have the energy. 

“Okay. Well, I’m going to go to sleep. I might need your help tomorrow lifting this pool full of sand, though,” she tells her dad. 

He smiles. “Luke seems like a really nice kid.”

“He is.” 

“He seemed to really like you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. And now I probably never will,” Julie says, the pain in her chest returning. 

“Maybe you shouldn't give up so easily,” he says. 

“It doesn’t matter anyway, Dad. I’m leaving. I’ll be in LA.”

“You don’t have to be,” Ray says, shrugging. 

“What? What do you mean?”

“Julie, you’ve got music back inside of you. And from what I hear, Luke is the reason for that. If you want to stay here, for Luke or not, then stay. You’re going to school for something you’re not passionate about when there’s a music program here just calling your name, where you already know people. You could take spring semester off, apply here, audition. See what happens, maybe start in the fall.” 

Julie hadn’t even considered that an option. She loves LA. But what’s there for her? She goes upstairs, thinking about what her dad said. She picks up the snow globe Luke got her, “Our Best Days Are Yet Unknown” engraved on the front. This can only be true if she stays, she thinks. She thinks about the possibilities if she stays in Ohio versus what she’d be leaving behind if she goes back to LA. 

Julie grabs her phone. She has to call Luke. She has to see if he’s willing to talk to her. She has to explain everything. 

She has to tell him how she feels.


	13. Questions

Luke's phone goes to voicemail. She calls again. 

Voicemail. 

It’s turned off. 

Julie stands in the middle of her LA Christmas bedroom feeling defeated. Luke obviously doesn’t want to talk to her. She decides maybe she should just give him some space tonight. It could give her time to figure out exactly what she’s going to say—if he doesn’t change his number and disappear on her, that is.

Julie takes a deep breath and knocks on the door to Luke’s house. She’d fallen asleep on the floor last night, her phone in her hand, hoping he’d decide to text her, staring up at the twinkling Christmas lights he’d strung all around her room. When she’d caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror this morning, Easter grass stuck to her mascara-covered face, Julie realized she looked like she was run over by a truck. It was fitting because it matched how she felt. She’d put on makeup, hoping it’d help conceal her puffy eyes, and threw on a pair of royal blue joggers and a gray hoodie. Part of her had wanted to get all dolled up to go to Luke’s, but mostly, she just wanted to get there and talk to him—even though now, standing on his porch, she's certain her nerves might get the best of her.

Reggie answers the door, looking uncomfortable once he realizes it’s Julie. 

“Hey,” Julie says. 

“Hey,” Reggie replies, awkwardly. He obviously knows what happened. “Um, Luke’s not here.” 

“Oh. Do you know when he’ll be back?” 

Reggie’s shoulders slump as he sighs. “He went back to LA...” 

“What?” Julie’s heart sinks. 

“Not for good or anything. But he took your advice and went home for Christmas. His parents were really excited to hear from him. His mom cried for like an hour on the phone. It was… cool.” Julie knows she’s extra emotional as it is, but it takes all of her not to cry for them. 

“I’m so happy for him,” she says softly, trying to keep her composure. 

“Hey, Julie!” Alex exclaims over Reggie’s shoulder. 

“Hi,” she replies with a small wave. She can’t believe Luke’s not here. “Okay, well, I guess—I don’t know—if you talk to him, can you just tell him I stopped by?” 

“Yeah, but, um, listen,” Reggie reaches behind his head and rubs the back of his neck nervously, avoiding eye contact with Julie, “Luke is extremely laser-focused on his music. It is life to him. But he’s also the most selfless person I’ve ever met. He’s actually kind of… sensitive...”

“I’ll take it from here, Reg. We know how you get with all the mushy stuff,” Alex says. 

“Thank God,” Reggie says, backing up so Alex can fit in the doorway. Alex looks at her and leans on the door frame. 

“The night Luke asked for your number, he was a nervous wreck. I can’t even remember the last time he asked a girl for her number. Maybe never since I’ve known him. And we all know there are plenty of girls throwing themselves at him. But you were the first one who got his attention, and he was so excited to text you.” Alex shakes his head, smiling, “You should have seen him the next few days. He kept typing on his phone. Typing then deleting. Then he’d throw it, mumbling something indiscernible to himself, clearly frustrated. It happened about a thousand times that first day, and when I finally asked him, he said he didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to sound like an idiot. He really isn’t good with girls.” 

“Luke? Not good with girls? Are we talking about the same person?” 

“Yeah. Look, it’s easy for him to wink and flirt when he has no interest. But you were different. He liked you, and he had no idea how to act around you. It was actually really funny to watch.” Julie can feel herself blushing.

“I didn’t think—I mean, I didn’t know…” she trails off. 

Alex just looks at her. “Really?” 

“Okay. I mean, I thought maybe, but he didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure.” 

“Julie, Luke is so transparent. Everything becomes obvious once he starts singing. Everything he feels is completely exposed, there for the whole world to see. It’s how he communicates, honestly. He told you how he felt—you just didn’t want to hear it.” In her head, Julie replays every single time they’d sang together. Alex is right, of course. She’d chosen to pretend like it wasn’t happening because she had a boyfriend. She hadn’t wanted to see what was right in front of her. She was too hellbent on keeping things platonic. But it had been obvious. “Listen, we really like you, and we would have loved to have you in the band. Luke has done nothing but talk about you for weeks, how you make him a better writer, how phenomenal your voice is, how he feels some sort of bond. But the reality is, your boyfriend aside, you’re leaving. Luke got attached, and you don’t even live here. And now he’s going to be holed up in his room writing nonstop for who knows how long until he can let this go.”

Julie fights back more tears.“But what if I did stay?”

Alex looks confused. “Are you? Staying?” 

“I’m not sure,” Julie replies. 

“Exactly,” he sighs, “Luke has dealt with too much already. I can’t tell you what to do, or even what I think you should do. This is between the two of you. All I’m saying is he’s a good guy, and he chose you. I’m just asking that you not hurt him. He’s really bummed right now, but he’ll bounce back. But if you keep pulling him closer, despite having a boyfriend, and only to eventually leave, it’ll break his heart.” 

Julie remembers the pain in Luke's voice, the hurt in his eyes, the night he told her about his mom. She knows the frustration he feels about Bobby's betrayal. She doesn't want to be another person who disappoints him. But she also can't even begin to fathom the idea of letting him go before she even really gets to know him—the idea of never seeing him again.

It’s Christmas Eve, and Julie hasn’t moved off the couch. She doesn’t feel like singing or writing, or doing anything really. She watches Hallmark Christmas movies, trying to forget that Luke’s across the country, which is hard because every time a Christmas song comes on, she’s back to picturing him singing with her by the fire. 

She can hardly stop thinking about what Alex said. She’d known when she left there that she needed to figure out what she was doing, whether she was staying or going. What was the point in talking to him if she didn’t have a plan? So, she’d sat down with Flynn yesterday and talked everything out, and she’d decided to move back to Ohio. Regardless of what happens with Luke, everyone is here, and she might actually be able to get into a music program—a dream she’d given up after her mom died.

Now she just has to wait for Luke to get back.

But for how long?

She has no idea when he’ll be back. Is he staying for New Years, too? Will he decide to move back to LA now that he’s repaired his relationship with his mom? Will he fix things with Bobby? What would that mean for The Phantoms? Would they go back to LA? The questions, the possibilities, they’re eating her alive. 

“Dad!” Julie yells, finally getting up from the couch, “What are the chances we can book me a flight to LA? For tonight?”


	14. Christmas in LA

Julie’s sure her heart is going to beat right out of her chest as her Uber pulls up to the address Flynn had texted her. It’s twilight and the LA sky is filled with pinks and purples as the sun fades behind the horizon. She’d spent the last twenty-four hours in airports and on three separate airplanes to get there. She’s had a lot of time to think about what she’ll say. But suddenly her mind has gone blank. She walks through the yard toward the brick ranch, wringing her hands. She stops midway. No. This is insane, she tells herself. She knows exactly how crazy it’ll look that she’s flown all the way to LA, interrupting his reunion with his parents, after only knowing him a couple of weeks.

But she also knows she can’t wait another day, or even another second, to talk to him. 

She makes it to the door and stands there. Just staring at it. Nope. She’s chickening out. She should just wait for him to get back. She’s about to turn around when the door swings open, leaving her unable to play this game of tug-of-war with herself any longer.

“Julie,” Luke says, standing in the doorway in a worn hoodie and sweatpants, his face twisted with confusion, his eyes scanning the road behind her, as though he’s looking for an answer as to why—or how—she’s there. 

“Um, hey,” she replies, nervously. 

“I thought maybe I was going nuts when I saw you out here. What—uh—What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to talk.” 

“You could have texted.”

“I did. And called.” 

“Yeah, I guess my phone’s been off… But I would have been back in a few days. Or are you back here for good now? I figured you’d be with your family for Christmas.” 

“No. This is just a little impromptu Christmas day trip… to LA…” she says, rocking on her heels. “And a few more days is a long time to wait. I’ve already waited too long. A girl can only be so patient,” she says, managing to cause a twitch in his lip, like he wants to smile but refuses. 

“You came to LA just to talk?” he asks, bewildered.

“Yes?” she replies. Luke shakes his head, and she’s sure he thinks she’s crazy. 

“How’d you know where my parents live?”

“I might have texted Flynn, who texted Willie, who then texted Alex, who probably wasn’t very happy because I think your band mates hate me.” 

“They don’t. You’re not really hate-able,” he says, smiling. She nods, unconvinced.

“Um, if it’s a bad time, or whatever, I can come back later. Or… I guess you’re right. We can just talk when you get back to Ohio,” she says, taking a step back, feeling the pressure now that he’s in front of her, his beautiful eyes fixed on her. Her palms are sweaty, and she wonders if it’s possible that he can hear her heart beating from where he’s standing. 

“No. I mean, you’re here already, so what’d you want to talk about that was so important that you flew to LA?”

“Well, um, about the other night. I just wanted to say thank you. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“You’re welcome, Julie. But you already said thank you. Several times, actually. That isn’t really flight-worthy...” 

“I know. But you make me nervous,” she squeaks, looking down at her feet.

“What?” 

“I just—ever since I first saw you perform, I’ve wanted to be around you. But then when I am, I don’t think straight. And I say and do dumb things—like not tell you that I have a boyfriend,” Julie says, meeting his eyes again. 

“Yeah…” he says, taking his turn to look away, his hands in his pockets. “Well, it’s not like there was any reason to tell me. It’s no big deal,” he says shrugging. “He seemed nice.” If she hadn’t talked to Alex and Reggie, Julie would feel like a real dumbass right now. But she knows. She knows how he feels, and she knows he’s trying to play it cool. He’s trying to distance himself from her because she's managed to really mess things up between them. 

“Luke, I’m really sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Julie. I really hope you didn’t fly all the way here to apologize for having a boyfriend.” 

“So… it doesn’t matter to you that we broke up?” His eyes dart to hers. 

“You broke up? Why?” 

She tugs nervously on the ends of her sleeves, “Because it wasn’t fair to him, to keep dating him… when I was falling for someone else…” She replies softly. She musters up the nerve to look at him. Luke’s staring at her, his expression completely unreadable.

“Oh,” he finally replies. 

She smiles, “You, Luke, I was falling for you,” she says, spelling it out for him. But he doesn’t smile back. She’s confused. “Or… maybe I shouldn’t have said anything…” Her smile falls. She starts to panic that Alex had been wrong—that _she_ had been wrong. Maybe they’d misinterpreted things Luke had said, glances he’d given. What if she’d flown all the way here, and he doesn’t actually have feelings for her? She crosses her arms in front of her. “This is...awkward.” 

“I’m just thinking.”

“Oh. Okay….” She says, pausing for a second, waiting. But he doesn’t say more. “About what?” He’s torturing her, is what he’s doing. 

“Well, I mean, I don’t know,” he says, his eyes meeting hers. And she knows. She knows she’s right. He’s scared of getting hurt, but he feels it.

“Okay...I sense that maybe you don’t feel like you can trust me?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s part of it…” 

Julie takes a deep breath. “Okay, I get that. I should have told you about Nick. But I was so nervous that telling you would mean not seeing you anymore. And ever since we met, I’ve felt—I don’t know— drawn to you. And I think...maybe...you feel it, too?” Julie sighs. “I know it was wrong not to tell you. But I kept telling myself that nothing was happening… and I was clearly lying to myself...because, at least for me, something was definitely happening. 

“But I’m standing here in front of you, in LA, on Christmas day, asking you to forgive me—asking you to give me another chance. Luke, ever since my mom died, nowhere has felt like home. But when I’m with you, when you look at me how you do, when our voices come together when we’re singing, everything feels right, like... _you_ are home. And I know that sounds crazy—everything about this is crazy— because we just met. But I think that makes it even more important, more special. Because I fell for you the second I heard you sing at that party, and I can’t imagine moving back here and not getting to spend every possible second with you, whether it’s locked in a bathroom, snowed in at a party, drinking gross milkshakes, or… on stage singing together?” 

“Wait. Are you saying you want to join the band?” He asks, excitedly. Julie wants to laugh—after everything she’d said, all he’d heard was that maybe she wants to join the band.

“I would love to join the band, if you’ll still have me. I mean, Julie and The Phantoms does sound pretty badass, doesn’t it?”

Luke finally steps out of the doorway toward her, closing the distance between them. 

He nods. “Yeah, it really does,” he says quietly. She feels herself start to sweat, even in the cool fifty-five degree weather. Her gaze moves from his eyes to his lips, and, of course, he bites his bottom lip, like he knows what it does to her. “Hey, Julie?” he says. 

“Yeah?” She tries to say, but it comes out more as just air. She’s sure he couldn’t have even heard her. 

“I want to kiss you,” he says.

She smiles, recognizing that he’s mimicking her from the night he sang Unsaid Emily for her. “Um, okay,” she replies, her heart rate quickening. 

Luke stands there for another second, their eyes completely focused on one another, before he lifts his hands and cups Julie’s face. His calloused fingers on her smooth skin sends chills down her spine. They’re so close, she can feel the heat radiating from his body. She closes her eyes as he leans in, and when his lips meet hers, the ground seems to disappear from under her—her knees so weak, she’s sure he must be holding her up. If they were in a movie, she's certain there'd be fireworks going off right now. He’d addressed almost nothing she’d said to him. But his kiss tells her everything she’d wanted to hear. He's falling, too. And when he finally pulls away, his hands falling to her hips, Luke smiles that gorgeous smile and presses his forehead to hers. “You were right,” he says, his voice as shaky as her legs feel. 

“About what?” she manages to whisper. 

“I do feel it, too.” And he kisses her again—this time like he’s been waiting to kiss her for a hundred years. Her lips part slightly as she reaches up and lets her fingers get tangled in his hair, grasping for anything that might keep her grounded. 

When they finally pull back from one another, both of them are still holding their breath, hoping they don’t wake up from this dream. Their eyes lock. “Jesus,” Luke says. “I was wrong before. _Now_ I could die happy.” Julie smiles. “So, you want to come meet my parents?” he asks, grabbing her hand. 

“I’d love to.” 

Julie has one thought as she walks into Luke’s parents’ house to spend her Christmas night: Maybe she is a little crazy—crazy about a boy. And maybe she doesn’t know where this will go, if anywhere. But she’s ready to close her eyes and jump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments... and of course for reading! I had a blast doing this! NOW WE JUST NEED A JATP CHRISTMAS ALBUM! (this need is, of course, what prompted this fic!)
> 
> Maybe same universe... Julie and Luke on spring break... or NEW YEARS....or ROAD TRIP BACK HOME???? hmmm... thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic, and I have no idea what I'm doing. Also, it's somehow my first time writing in third person! I have so many plans for these two, but I don't know how long this will end up being. But the idea here is basically a Hallmark type Christmas story—but I can already sense it shifting away from that, so I'm not sure. Julie and Luke will let me know where it goes, I suppose!


End file.
